What we are missing

Another lightbulb lit today. I was reflecting on the blessings God has provided for us. How we are so well fed. God has given me the ability to make yummy food and we have grocery stores around the corner. We have fruit stands with just-picked fruit less than a mile from our house. We sometimes have so much food that I have to store it on the kitchen floor (of course in boxes) because our cupboards are full! I also realized that my youngest daughter, Mari, has been given so many dresses lately, that I have to give some away so that I can hang what's left in her closet. I think she has close to 30 dresses! (Not including skirts, shorts, etc...)

Here is the tough part: As I am counting all of our blessings, I realized that I wasn't naming any spiritual blessings. Where were they? I look at the people of Afr*ca and they don't have a market on every corner and overflowing cupboards. They aren't giving away clothes because they have too many. (I realize I am making a general statement and that there ARE people in Afr*ca that have more than enough.) I am thinking of the parents living and dying with AIDS, who do not having a place for their children to go when they die. I am thinking of the areas where AIDS has taken 30% of the men and women who would work to provide for their family. And I always thought how blessed we are...and we are...BUT! What about the spiritual blessings?

Is it possible that when you are not able to provide for you physical needs, when you live in a community that is so effected by poverty, illness, etc., that you might be more aware of the spiritual blessings? If so, we are the ones who live in poverty. We are the ones who live in illness. Aren't we supposed to not fear the one who can hurt the body but only the One who cares for our soul? Are the blessings we have received, the very ones I listed in the last blog and this one, blinding us to our spiritual need, leaving us in a spiritual coma?

What would it look like if all of a sudden we needed our spiritual selves to be fully alive and functioning? Would we look like infants? Would we be able to meet the call? I wonder what it would look like if we all became aware of this and started waking up from our "slumber" and started renewing our spirit. ("A little sleep, a little slumber, A little folding of the hands to rest, then your poverty will come as a robber and your want like an armed man." Proverbs 24:33) I thought this verse was about being lazy, but could it be about allowing ourselves to fall asleep spiritually?

New

It is intimidating to start a new blog. I am trying to record the Lord's work in my life to help me find the path He wants to lead me on instead of always fighting to find my own way.

Also, I want a place to record the work He has done in my life, so that I "may write it down" and talk about it with my children. One of the ways I am failing in my duties as a mom is teaching my kids to see God's heart for the world. I feel like God has blessed me with a broken spirit for His people, only a glimpse of what I am sure He feels towards them. My heart gets so heavy and painful when I see people suffering, not loved, or not cared for. It makes no sense to me how people can allow it, and yet, I am one of those people who allow it to happen because I am not doing anything and everything within my power to stop it. If a child lives a life without anyone who protects them, shows them love, cares for them, how are they supposed to understand the Love of Jesus??? How can they make the connection I make with the care that I have received my whole life to the Lord who provides. I want to step into that role, the one of caregiver so that they will know what love is and know how to love God.

I have been thinking a lot lately about how blessed we are and it is only through God that I am where I am and I remember "To those who have been given much, much will be expected." I have been given much. That is an understatement. I live in one of the riches States in one of the riches Countries in the world. I was born to a majority race, rarely dealing with any type of prejudice. I have a 2 parent family, a good education, work any time I want it, plenty of food, clean water, a giant home (compared to most countries), and yet I find myself complaining. I am being humbled by my gifts and I am refocusing my attitude to reflect my gratitude for all that I have, but more importantly, I am asking, "What is expected." What would God have me do with all of the blessings HE has given me. I am under NO illusion that God has placed me in the life HE gave me for a reason. Every decision I make is either towards His goals for my life or they are wasted. I am eager to move in the right direction. I don't want to spend any more time getting distracted by the culture.

One of my latest epiphanies has been the call of the world is subtle and constant. It lures us in and deceives us! But, I know who is the king of deception and I rebuke it! I am praying to be deprogrammed so that I can better serve Jesus' purpose for my life. If much has been given to me, how much more should I be working to see how much I can worship HIM. God has given me this love affair for His hurting people in Afr*ca. Since I was just a little girl, pictures of people without necessities for survival has haunted me. The enemy has told me over and over that there is nothing I can do because the problem is just too big, the corporations are corrupt, the help just makes things worse. Now, though, I know the truth. The problem is too big. The corporations are corrupt. And anything done outside of God's will will make things worse. AND! God's answer to that is: Fight corruption with LOVE! One person can make a difference to one other person and one at a time the problem is no longer too big. God's LOVE IS BIGGER. We have to first be in God's will to make a difference. God calls us to love each other and care for each other. He didn't specify if we should do that only when the Govt is friendly and helpful or when the way will be easy. We are supposed to care for each other under all circumstances. So. What does that mean to me.

I have been complaining a lot about the size of my house. About having enough room for stuff. Then God allowed me to remember the scripture about being so blessed that our storehouses will overflow. We have overflowed! What a blessing. That must mean that I have enough to share with someone who doesn't. After praying and praying for a bigger house, God spoke quietly to my heart and assured me that we will get another house when we need another house. What a blessing to not have to worry about that. Now we are able to use the "extra" money to be a blessing to others. We were able to be part of helping a family toward bringing a child to their home. It is wonderful to know that we are able to give back to God what is HIS for His work. How must that make God's heart soar. If my heart has joy, how much more must God's heart.

We have been in all circumstances, financially. Although, I can't say that I have been joyful in all (unfortunately) I can say that I have learned what it is like to live in all. I remember when we were first married and we were out of money. No money anywhere, not even in the ashtray in the car or the couch cushions. I gathered all the cans I could find and took them down to the recycling place and got $60. It was enough to last for the week until we got paid. I was not walking with the Lord but I knew that I had been provided for. I have also had enough funds to buy a second home with cash. Even then, we lived in a modest home and spent fairly conservatively. Because I stay home and home-school our kids and my husband works on commission, our income varies greatly. Sometimes, I would struggle, turning off and unplugging everything. I hung the clothes on the line to dry, clipped coupons, shopped at thrift stores, made food from scratch, etc. It took a lot of time and energy and, although we were able to live on a very low income, it felt like it wasn't serving a purpose. As our income grew, I began to live more "extravagantly." I used the dryer with dryer sheets! We ate out at fast food inexpensive restaurants. We had new clothes and I threw all the coupons in the trash! Although most people would laugh at calling that extravagant, I felt wasteful. I feel like I wasn't using God's precious gift to us for anything that was giving Him glory. I realized what I was missing in both circumstances and that was asking for HIS purpose. This time, I am doing that. I am asking God for His purpose with our finances. I am asking what His people need and how I can match that need. I have given up eating out as sort of a "fast" and yet not a fast, because I don't think I want it to end. I want this to go on and on for HIS glory that I can give the money we would spend to feed one of His people.

My prayer right now is that God would capture my heart for Him the way he has captured it for His hurting people. Specifically, orphans. God has taken my heart and connected it to the plight of the orphan in a way that I could not break. I want that same passion for my God.