Call Me Crazy

I caught myself saying, more than once, "There is only enough room for about 8 kids.  Maybe 10, but by then we might need something bigger."  I never would have imagined these words coming from my mouth.  Don't get me wrong, it isn't too far fetched that I would like a large family since I like kids an awful lot.  But!  8? 10? 12?  If you ask me how many kids I think I will  have, the answer would be an even dozen.  Why not more?  Maybe more.  Considering my potential life expectancy and current earning ability, 12 seems like it is on the edge of do-able.  But, in my heart, when someone asks the question, "Are you going to have more kids?"  My answer is, "Are there more to be had?" 

It would be an incredible blessing to be able to say, "I am done having kids because there are no more kids that need homes."  What a miracle that would be.  I pray that the first thing Jesus shows me in heaven is that there are no more orphans. 

David was worried tonight about the new house getting crowded as we seek to bring in more kids.  Then, I showed PART of the photo listing of waiting children...now he wants to grow up to be a spokes person for the orphan and he is OK sharing his home.  He hopes it helps him share his message!!!

Most people say, "12 kids, are you crazy?"

I hope I am.  Crazy in God's will is always where I want to be.  Noah had to seem crazy to build that big ol' ark.  I am looking for a big ol' house to bring in God's creation.  Am I crazy like NOAH???  Please say yes! 

The disciples had to seem crazy when they dropped their fishing nets and walked after Jesus.  Am I crazy like them???  Please say Yes!

King David.  (One of my favorites because of this moment!) was despised by his wife because he was acting like a crazy man.  I love 2 Samuel 6: 12-16 Now King David was told, "The LORD has blessed the household of Obed-Edom and everything he has, because of the ark of God." So David went down and brought up the ark of God from the house of Obed-Edom to the City of David with rejoicing.  When those who were carrying the ark of the LORD had taken six steps, he sacrificed a bull and a fattened calf.  David, wearing a linen ephod, danced before the LORD with all his might, while he and the entire house of Israel brought up the ark of the LORD with shouts and the sound of trumpets.  As the ark of the LORD was entering the City of David, Michal daughter of Saul watched from a window. And when she saw King David leaping and dancing before the LORD, she despised him in her heart.

My pride asks me to stop looking foolish.  Don't do anything crazy.  But, then I ask God.  "What shall I do?"  He says:  But when Jesus turned and looked at his disciples, he rebuked Peter. "Get behind me, Satan!" he said. "You do not have in mind the things of God, but the things of men."  Then he called the crowd to him along with his disciples and said: "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. Mark 8:33-34

Tonight I pray:  God.  Let me be crazy for YOU!  Show me how I can follow you so that everyone who sees me will wonder what I am up to.  Please don't let my pride, my fear or anything get in the way of hearing Your voice and following Your will.  I confess to you that I put myself first.  Please help me help my kids to see Your heart too so that our whole family will be crazy for You.  Even if we are despised because of it.  AMEN!

Courage

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;

Courage to change the things I can

and wisdom to know the difference.

As the pastor began preaching on this prayer Sunday morning, my first thoughts were about how I didn't need to hear this message.  That statement in itself was a red flag.  Usually, if I think those thoughts about a sermon, I probably really need to hear it!  The trouble was, I thought this message was going to be about addiction.  Like, drugs, alcohol, etc.  I don't have an addiction.  (Unless you want to count food and caffeine.)

As I acknowledged that I needed to hear the sermon, I listened very carefully for God to reveal the message he has hidden in there just for me.  When I ask Him to show me, He is always faithful.  The message for me was undoubtedly courage.  (And wisdom.)

I had a dream the other night that was about living in the New House and having a bad-guy shoot a gun at my house.  I was left in fear.  Because I know the Lord is not the God of fear, I prayed that I would understand the dream.  I felt God saying to me that I might be afraid as we go through this process, but that He was there with me and that I don't need to be afraid.

Now, tie that dream into my passion...the orphan crisis...and I am able to begin to understand why God might have had me listen to that sermon.  I am so passionate about children without homes.  It kills me to think about.  It breaks my heart.  I want to run off and take care of everyone of them.  Obviously, I can't.  It isn't even a little bit possible.  I need the serenity to accept the things I cannot change.  I also need to trust my husband's strategy for helping as many as we can.  Effecting as many people as God has for us to effect.  This is where I need courage. 

We are moving forward with the move.  I was overwhelmed with fear.  I was sick to my stomach at the step we were taking.  Thankfully, the thoughts that were coming into my head were so ridiculous that I immediately got out my Bible and filled my head with thoughts that were in line with what God has for me. 

Here are some funny things that cropped up!  First:  I was reading Philippians and I came across this verse:  I eagerly expect and hope that I will in no way be ashamed, but will have sufficient courage so that now as always Christ will be exalted in my body, whether by life or by death. vs 1:20.  Then, I finished Philippians and was reading about the prophet Jeremiah and how he was hated and how he had to have COURAGE to continue his prophetic ministry. 

That word COURAGE.  I found it everywhere:  Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.  Joshua

I know now how that prayer applies to me. 

Lord.  Please grant me the serenity to understand that I don't have to take on the entire orphan crisis on my own and that by doing so, I might get in my own way of doing what You have for me to do.  Please give me the COURAGE to do the things I can to work toward helping those children You place in my care.  Please help me not to be afraid due to my own doubts and insecurities.  Please help me trust you to be the one to provide, that I don't have to take all that on nor do I have to expect Kevin to do it.  And Lord - PLEASE grant me the wisdom to know the difference.  To know when to get myself out of my own way so that I am not running in a direction that is the opposite of where you would have me go just because it feels good to be moving.  Please grant me the peace to be still and wait on Your direction.  Please grant me the wisdom in obvious ways - blocking my path if I go astray.  How humble am I that I can come before you and ask these things.  How amazing YOU are that you are willing to be active with me in my life that You make Yourself known and that I can count on You to lead and guide me.  Amen!!!

Something Simple

As I started pondering the wonderful and exciting path God had for my life, I was also reading though Amazma's blog. I doubt there was anytime I was ever more "on fire" for the Lord than then. In fact, I always thought that was a strange saying, but it really fit! (It still seems like a strange saying.) The person who writes the blog is named Katie and she lives in Uganda helping and loving people there in the name of the Lord. She is such an amazing inspiration, that she motivated me to examine my own life.

I prayed over my own life, my desires, my gifts. I asked God what part of His mission I could be part of. I told God how excited I was to be part of this. I confessed my laziness and apathy. I was so eager. I told God, "I will go to Uganda if you want me to!" God's gentle voice came to me asking if I meant it. "Of course I do!!! I will go! I will serve you!" (Of course, in my eagerness, I had no plans for how this would work out, but if it was God's calling, it would work. In that way I had strong faith." Again, I heard God's voice asking if I meant it. "Of course I mean it!!!" Was my answer again.

Then God asked, "But you won't go 7 miles?" 

"Uh, what?"

"You will go to Uganda, but you won't go 7 miles?"

"Um. What are we talking about?"

At this point, God was silent because I knew full well what He was talking about. 7 miles from my current home is another city. A very nice neighborhood with very large homes. BUT! It means I leave all the conveniences of here to move there. It will seem to everyone else that we just moved. No biggie. If I moved to Uganda, then I was a "Hero" a "Missionary." If I move 7 miles, nothing. Not that I was in it for the accolades, but I also wasn't looking for any unnecessary inconveniences either. Uh oh. There it was. The sin that was part of the problem. I was embarrassed to move to that part of town. THIS part of town is much more desirable.

I think God doesn't need me in Uganda at the moment. It seems God needs me to move...7 miles.

This whole encounter reminds me of the story of Naaman in 2 Kings 5. It is funny because as I was going through this "conversation" with God, I taught this story a couple of times AND my friend brought it to my attention at a prayer meeting. My guess? Not a coincidence.

In case you aren't familiar with the story, here is my version (God's version is significantly better) and the way I would make it if I were directing the movie:


Naaman is sick so he goes to see Elisha. Elisha knows he is coming and why but realizes that God's got this one handled without much fuss on Elisha's part. When Naaman gets to Elisha's, a servant comes and gives him instructions on how to be healed. (In the movie this information would be given to Elisha in a dismissing tone...but that is my artistic impression.) Naaman is MAD. "Isn't Elisha even going to come out???" "Nope." And with that, the servant shuts the door. Naaman had all sorts of grand plans for what Elisha could do - they all involved very complicated rituals. Naaman looks at the servant who was with him and asks, "Can you believe that guy? Some "Prophet" he turned out to be. Well, I guess we wasted a trip. Let's go."

But the Servant thought, "Huh, well, we are here. Let's give it a try." Now Naaman was mad at him to. How dare he!!! "If he gave you something hard to do, you would do it, but he didn't. Why not try it?" The servant was trying to save his tushy now.

"Fine." Naaman just wants to get home and thought it would be easier to try this thing than listen to the servant all the way home.

And he was healed...I wonder if I would have responded just like Naaman. I was willing to do the hard things...Uganda...but the easy thing??? Ha. I learned from Naaman. I am out looking...7 miles from here.

A Trap Set

Once, It was a while ago, I was given a yummy German-Chocolate pastry to try. I loved it!!! I was so mad because before that day, I never had tried one before, so I never knew how good they were. You might be thinking, "That sounds like a good thing!" Well, let me tell you why it isn't:

I love sweets! Love, love, love them. I would probably forgo any other food if it were possible to survive on sugar alone. I have a hard time controlling my cravings - even more so since I have had kids. Before I tried that yummy desert, I never knew I liked it, which meant I never knew I wanted it, which meant I never had a craving for it. See the downward spiral I am facing?

Cute as this anecdote is, it is a snippet of a picture of my walk with the Lord. There are things I have a hard time turning away from. Things that, in themselves, aren't bad, but they are things that distract me from GOD! Yikes! AND! I can't help but make a parallel between the "if I never tried it" thoughts I have about the pastry, and the "If I never tried it" thoughts I have about the things that distract me from God.

I love Disneyland. I went there on my honeymoon and I have been thinking about going there again on vacation. But, wait. I need to stop and think. Is that something that I could do without to further serve God? If I never went there, would I want to go again?

I was reading a book called "A hole in our Gospel" - a GREAT book, by the way. Something I realized while reading was that perhaps we are cursed by our affluence. Since we don't have a need, we are blind to the needs of others. Since we can afford a trip to Disneyland, perhaps we don't realize what it is like to not be able to afford to eat? I don't think Disneyland is the problem at all. But, if my desire for Disneyland out-weighs my desire to serve the poor, seek God's will, then it's as if I made my idol the bobble-head Mickey. I never want to say, "I would serve You God, but I can't because of the vacations (or pedicures, or dinners out, or new clothes, or nicer cars, or new furniture, etc.) I would be missing...

I am challenged to examine my life and see what things I am putting before the Lord and then I am challenged to watch for things that can ensnare me. I know I need to stay away from the German-Chocolate pastry.

My prayer today is: Heavenly Father, giver of all good gifts. If there is something I am putting ahead of you, please reveal it to me today and help me avoid it like poison! Help me not even know about the things out there that would ensnare me if I ever gave them any attention. Help me FLEE from evil. Keep me from sinning against You in this way. Lord, please let my focus remain on you that I would never allow myself to grieve an idol that I have made in place of you. Help me remember Isaiah 40:18 To whom, then, will you compare God? What image will you compare Him to? and Isaiah 40:31 But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. Amen.

Isaiah

I asked God, "Why do You want me to read Isaiah? It is a horrible book. Very sad, depressing, really. It breaks my heart that these kinds of things happen. I am grateful for Your constant reminders throughout, though, that these things are temporary. Earthly. That Your promise is greater than we can imagine. Who knows the mind of the Lord?"

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And the Lord ANSWERED!!! I am reading the book: The Hole in the Gospel. It quotes Isaiah over and over again. REMINDING us to care for the oppressed, the orphan and the widow. REMINDING us that true religion is service to those in need. REMINDING us of God's promises for the poor. Giving me affirmation to pray and fast with a pure heart, not out of religious duty. All of these messages are found - you guessed it - in the book of Isaiah! What an INSPIRATIONAL book! What an uplifting message! What a change in attitude when GOD speaks through HIS word, and I don't just read it with my own eyes and limited understanding. What a true LIVING God I serve!

Thank you LORD!!! You hear my prayers and answer them. Your sheep hear Your voice and know You. Thank You for speaking to me!!!

Light

I was sitting in a room at church with a friend. We met there to pray late on a Friday night, so we were alone and able to have an energetic discussion before we began seeking the Lord! What a blessing to have that time.

The lights overhead lights are on sensors to help save electricity when no one is in the room. As we were praying together, suddenly, the lights went off! After a wiggle, the lights returned. As we prayed, I thanked God for this little reminder that HE was there among us.

Just think. God is there. When I walked into the room, I was not surprised to find the lights come on, just like I shouldn't be surprised to find God in that room. But, then what happened when we were still? The lights went off. I am not saying that God was no longer with us. I knew he was, but I was thinking that: We see God's light when His people MOVE! We don't sit still, or hide away His blessings. When we move, God's light shines!

No one lights a lamp and hides it in a jar or puts it under a bed. Instead, he puts it on a stand, so that those who come in can see the light. Luke 8:16

How often do I hide the light and joy that God has given me because I am like the wicked and lazy servant. Too worried about myself to share God's blessing.

"The the man who had received the one talent came. 'Master,' he said, 'I knew that you were a hard man, harvesting where you have not sown and gathering where you have not scattered seed. So I was afraid and went out and hid your talent in the ground. See, here is what belongs to you.'

His master replied, 'You wicked, lazy servant! Well then, you should have put my money on deposit with the bankers, so that when I returned I would have received it back with interest.

"'Take the talent from him and give it to the one who has ten talents. For everyone who has will be given more and he will have an abundance. Whoever does not have, even what he has will be taken from him. Matthew 25:24-29

I don't want to be the servant who hides the talent. Who doesn't move...Who would put a light under a bed??? Not me. I want to move. I want to see God's light shine. In the verses right before this criticism:

The man with the two talents also came. "Master," he said, "You have entrusted me with two talents; see, I have gained two more."

His master replied, "Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share in your master's happiness!"

Matthew 25:22-23

Thank you God for the little reminders. Daily. Thank you for showing up for us when we are looking for You! Thank you for the light, and the LIGHT of the World. Thank you that you show us to MOVE for you that we are able to spread your light, keep it going, be part of Your will. That is the most amazing thing: that we can be called Your children. I am honored to be your servant, Lord. Please help me not hide my "talent" in the ground, but help me use it for Your glory so that when You look to see what I have done, You will say, "Well done, my good and faithful servant." I am desperate to hear those words from You. Please make me into that kind of person for you. Please help me not be afraid to do what should be done to bring you honor and Glory!

Fountain of Youth

It has been my observation lately that accept for one individual, the people I find inspiring are significantly younger than I am. They pursue their dreams with abandon.

The song: "Albertine" by Brooke Fraser has been somewhat of a "theme song" for now. It has caused me to think carefully about my responsibilities while I am here.

"Katie" from Amazima has been another influential person in my life.

Leah, also much younger, has been locally inspirational and motivational.

I am so grateful to all of these people.

The thing I am learning the most from them though, is that it would be much better to surrender completely. Not holding onto anything of this world, but seeking only what God has for me now. Better - I would have done this all along.

It is so easy to get caught up in the busy-ness of life and the securities. What happened to living like every minute matter? What happened to realizing that we live in a country that makes failure just a hurdle, not a tragedy. What if we passionately follow the path God sets for us and stop worrying about the worldly standards that we don't meet?

Can we put away our childish passions? Can we put aside the things we are "supposed" to do?

I remember being young and being more willing to change. I was more flexible. As I was considering if it was the youthfulness that brought these ladies into a close walk with the Lord, this verse was brought to my mind: 2 Timothy 2:22 Flee the evil desires of youth, and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart. And, as I was meditating on this verse, I came to the realization that the evil desires of my youth got in my way. I let myself remain immature, focusing on things that were distracting me from God's purpose. What would have happened if I had realized this sooner? Made that change while I was young? How am I responsible for not pursuing the Lord out of a pure heart. It causes me to want to seize the day. Make the most of every moment.

The song "Come, Now is the Time to Worship" reminds me: One day ev'ry tongue will confess you are God, One day ev'ry knee will bow. Still the greatest treasure remains for those who gladly choose you now.

I pray tonight that I can capture His love, seize the day, and make every day count. Lord, thank you for showing me new things every day and for putting these people in my life to encourage me. I am so thankful for the revelations that You give to me through Your Word. Thank you for songs that help me keep focused on You! I pray that I can keep seeking you, putting away the evils instilled in me since childhood. I also pray that I can keep my focus on you without getting distracted. At the same time that I am putting away the evil desires of youth, I pray that You give me the energy and passion from my youth to eagerly do Your will. Thank you LORD!!! Through Jesus' sacrifice for me, I pray!