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As we get closer to the move and to what we believe is God's will for our lives, I am frightened.  I worry about everything.  I know how hard it is when new kids come into our home.  I know it will be a challenge for all of us.  Unfortunately, (or so I thought) everywhere I turn these days, God is showing me that His path isn't always easy.  In fact, it can be down right painful. 

As of last Sunday, the message of "difficulty" was brought to my attention 3 times.  Then, I read Katie's blog and realized that she also gets discouraged sometimes.  After that, in my own studies, I read about Paul in Acts 21:10-14  After we had been there a number of days, a prophet named Agabus came down from Judea.  coming over to us, he took Paul's belt, tied his own hands and feet with it and said, "the Holy Spirit says, 'In this way the Jews of Jerusalem will bind the owner of this belt and  will hand him over to the Gentiles."  When we heard this, we and the people other pleaded with Paul not to go up to Jerusalem.  Then Paul answered, "Why are you weeping and breaking my heart?  I am ready not only to be bound, but also to die in Jerusalem for the name of the Lord Jesus."  When he would not be dissuaded, we gave up and said, "The Lord's will be done."

I prayed.  Please LORD!  Give me the strength of Paul.  How do I knowingly walk into danger and still embrace it?

The "funny" thing is that I know I am not entering into any sort of "danger" but I have no illusions as to the difficulty of my journey.  When I allow the fear to enter my thoughts, though I am hesitant to take the next step.  Then God showed me that it isn't MY courage that I will need.  I won't need courage at all.  I will be compelled.  Like I found in Jeremiah 20:9  But if I say, "I will not mention him or speak any more in his name, his word is in my heart like a fire, a fire shut up in my bones.  I am weary of holding it in; indeed, I cannot."

God is answering my prayer for courage, first by showing me in scripture that His will is compelling, but also through the book "A Million Miles in a Thousand years" by Donald Miller.  He writes:  "...and once you live a good story, you get a taste for a kind of meaning in life, and you can't go back to being normal;  you can't go back to meaningless scenes stitched together by the forgettable thread of wasted time."  and then, talking about when things get tough..."I think this is when most people give up on their stories.  They come out of college wanting to change the world, wanting to get married, wanting to have kids and change the way people buy office supplies, but they get into the middle and discover it was harder than they thought.  They take it out on their spouses and they go looking for an easier story."

As I have come to the conclusions:  It will be hard.  I am compelled.  I was still left with the wonder of how to proceed, not quit, through the tough times.  God gave me Francis Chan.  I am so thankful for God's provision of shepherds to help me find His way.  God showed me through Francis' sermon the last link that I was missing.  This is "GOD'S PARTY."  I am NOT inviting God to join me, but God is inviting me to join Him.  God showed me:  Jesus came and said to them, "All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me."  (Mathew 28:19)  It is the God who made the world, who hung the stars, who creates the "supernatural" events that leaves people in wonder.  What do I have to fear if He is with me...better yet, I am with Him!  It is His party, I am just a guest.  One of the last chapters in Donald Miller's book was titled, "A Tree in a Story about a Forest."  That was a great reminder.  I am just a tree.  God's story is about the whole forrest and that story is way more interesting. 

My prayer now is:  Thank you Lord for letting me be that tree in this story.  Help me remember that YOU are the one in control of all things.  To Jesus, You have given power and authority over everything - that there is nothing left out.  If I believe this is true then there is nothing I have to fear.  Praise You Lord that I can be invited to Your party.  That I can watch Your majesty unfold in the world.  I pray that when I am weak, You will refocus my attention back to You so that I won't quit and look for an easier story to belong in.  Through Jesus' authority, I pray.  AMEN