What if:

I started writing this the other day, and truthfully, I was too tired for a coherent thought, so I think I deleted it.  Here is try number 2.  It also maybe incoherent, but I need to write it!

What if:  What if God doesn't do what you think He is doing.  What if the plan you saw unfolding crumbles and blows away.  What if you pack up and move waiting for God's direction only to find you are moving again?  What if you blindly follow God's prompting and never go anywhere.  What if all you are certain is God's purpose for your life changes in an instant and you find out you were wrong?

These are the questions that have been rolling through my mind lately.  My friend and I had been on a mission to pray for orphan care.  We followed His every (well many) promptings, listened quietly for His still small voice.  We were certain we were seeing His plan unfold and we had so much excitement, we were like giddy school girls.  We were wrong.  The plan we (or I) was so certain we saw playing out before us was not at all the plan God had in mind.  I was left with a feeling of doubt.  Was it God who I was hearing?  Was it my own longings placed on an impulsive being? or worse:  On an imagined being?  Thankfully, that is exactly the thoughts I had.  WHY THANKFULLY!?!  Because, those are NOT my thoughts.  Thankfully, those thoughts pointed to exactly the ONE who would want me to think those thoughts.  He who sneaks around waiting for an opportunity to plant that small seed of doubt, carefully tending it, watching it grow with sheer delight.  Thankfully, because the thoughts were so extreme, I caught them and placed them in front of the proper authority and they were sent away from me.  Unfortunately, I did still have those thoughts, but fortunately, they caused me to turn to God's Word.  That is when I realized I am thankful for the doubt because it caused me to dig.  Dig deeper for what God really wants me to know.  He says, "My ways are not your ways" (Isaiah 55:8)  His thoughts (thankfully) are not my thoughts either!  I am still left with not understanding why God has chosen to work in this way, but I understand now that His ways are not my ways and for whatever reason He has chosen to have this story told this way, it is they way it should be.  As I meditate on these things, I remember that I can ask Him.  I can ask and say, "Show me your ways, O Lord, teach me your paths; guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long."  Psalm 25:4

Now, What if:  What if instead of moving me to the slums of another country, God moves me to another town in a gated community.  What if:  What if, after being prepared to totally open my options with regards to this next adoption, we are NOT placed with a sibling group of 4 with severe special needs, but only one infant.  If I am not suffering miserably, am I not doing His will?  That sneaky enemy is at it again, working in my thoughts to cause doubt and misdirection.  I am completely willing to do God's will, submitting to Him my own will and desires.  In the process, His gifts to me have been exceedingly more than I could ever hope for.  Only by being in God's Word would I have the strength to be in the place of His blessings.  Taking every thought captive and submitting them to Him.  I repeat:  "Show me your ways O Lord.  Teach me your paths.  Guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my savior and my hope is in You all day long."