Picked for the Team!

"Who is the best basketball player, ever?"  I asked my son.
"Micheal Jordan."  He answered without much thought.
"If he called you today and asked you to be on his team would you do it?"
"YES!"  He said like I was crazy to ask.
"What if you had to move, live in a cardboard box, would you do pretty much anything in your power to be on that team?"  I asked
A succession of Yeses followed each question without hesitation.  Undoubtedly, he would do anything in his power to be on that team.
"Would you feel like you were helping Micheal Jordan by being on that team?" 
"No."  Again, looking at me like I was insane.
"Well, that is what I feel like when God asks me to be on His team - I am not helping, and it is a privilege, and I am willing to do anything to be on it.  See, working for God is not serving Him, it is Him serving me with the privilege of letting me participate."
I am not sure he completely got it, but I hope so.

Sometimes, I am ready to pull my hair out in frustration. I whisper up a quiet prayer asking God to please accept this sacrifice I am making.  Please accept my offering of love and exhaustion.  But really, is this an offering that I am giving Him?  When God offers us the gift of work, do we do it as if it is a blessing to US???  Is my offering an offering of thanks and praise for allowing me to have the opportunity at the hard things that sometimes come with the work He has given me?

This thought was something God was challenging me with the other night.  I think of my "work for the Lord" sometimes as a gift to Him, and it is in a sense, because it pleases Him to have my focus on him and my whole heart given over to Him...Big problem here though...I am not doing it to SERVE Him.  This is a weird sort of splitting of hairs, maybe, but I feel like it is a bigger issue and one I am wrestling with right now. 

There are reasons for working:
To accomplish something we want done (self-serving)
To earn a reward (also self-serving)
To help someone (other-serving)
To be allowed to participate in something greater than our self (God serving us!)
The last one is tricky...I always saw my "work for the Lord" as a gift to Him...but I think underlying that thought was that I was "helping" Him.  What a foolish notion!!!  God - the same who created all the earth, set the mountains exactly the way HE wanted them. Made the bacteria that I cannot see with my eyes.  Knows the number of hair on my head and the stars in the sky.  Understands all unexplainable phenomena.  DOESN'T NEED MY HELP!  What is sad is that I didn't even realize that I had been thinking like this until I tried thinking about it in the way I believe God wants me to think about it.

Did God need Jonah to talk to the people of Nineveh?  Doubt it!  Did Jonah need God to send him to Nineveh to make some major corrections?  YUP!

Did God need Noah to build the ark?  NOPE.  Did Noah need to build the Ark to learn some mighty big lessons?  I think yes.

Did God need Moses to lead the people?  Ha!  NO WAY!  Did Moses need to learn to lead the people and did the people need to learn from Moses?  OH YEAH!

Did God need John the Baptist to baptize all those people?  No.  Were John the Baptist and the people rewarded and brought closer to God through doing that work?  Of course! 

I need to reread my Bible with this in mind to see how each person's work really granted them the closeness with the Lord and how they received abundant GRACE!

I believe God gifts us with work.  We just participate in what He is already doing.  First and always, our work Glorifies Him but then it helps grow us into the people who reflect Him.  I realize that the work I am doing is not for me to give to God, but a gift from God to me!  I get to see His glory through helping His people.  It is so amazing when I think about it this way.  It is no longer self-serving, but God serving me.  Wow!  No matter how hard I try to "earn Grace," I am adding to my debt because only more Grace is given.  When I serve the Lord, my most wonderful reward is the opportunity to be with Him in a real and alive way.  I get that through reading my Bible, through the messages from church, and from the stories of other believers, but the most enjoyable way is through working along with the Lord who uses my clumsy hands, my unskilled body, my unlearned ideas, and my inexperience and creates beauty.  He does make beautiful things out of the dust!

And what if I refuse the call to work?  Luke 19:40 shows me just how unneeded I am:  “I tell you,” he replied, “if they keep quiet, the stones will cry out.”

Taking up my Cross

Today as I sat in church, I felt the Lord making clear a passage that I had, before, not completely understood and then (as is His way in my life) He confirmed in the message the pastor was sharing.

Then he said to them all: “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me. Luke 9:23

This is a fairly common verse and the times I have read / heard it were many.  Most times I don't know that I gave it much thought, but I know the times I did think about it, I was simply wrong.

I wondered...how to follow a god who asks us to DENY myself and take up a CROSS DAILY?!?  That seemed next to impossible.  The few times I have tried (really tried) to deny myself, I failed.  I always related this to an attempt at a diet.  Like:  Deny myself a doughnut or pizza.  Certainly, I was NOT capable of self-denial.  Then:  How in the world was I going to take up a cross daily!?!  Really?  I know how hard it is to do "hard" and my guess is that taking up a cross is beyond any "hard" I have ever done and to do that daily???  I can't even do sit-ups everyday!

Then.  I had trouble reconciling it to:  Matthew 11:28 - 30 Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”


Today, though Gods yoke was easy.  I did learn from Him.  I realized that in order to take up my cross, I can't possibly carry anything of my own.  If I have my own burdens, then the cross will sit there.  It isn't until I lay those things down at the cross that I will be able to then lift it up.  (Deny myself!  AH!!!  Nothing to do with doughnuts!)  Also, to lift a cross and move it would take complete focus on the task at hand.  It would be big, heavy, cumbersome.  I think I would have to focus on each step, going slowly, looking only directly at the path I am traveling.  I would not be able to look around and get distracted without getting injured.  (I get it:  focus on HIM daily).  Then, maybe the verses in Matthew compliment this.  Now, I think as I would walk down God's path with my cross, I would realize it is lighter and lighter.  When I looked up I would see Christ is carrying my cross for me.  I would have rest for my soul and my burden would be light.  I would be denying the things that get in the way, but I have to do this "daily" or constantly because if I get busy with being busy, I will miss out.  First my burden will get heavy, I could get hurt, and then I might drop the cross all together to focus back on myself.  I follow You Lord!

Letting Go to Receive Grace

Praying again for knowledge, for direction, for how much of my input I give to this situation.  I ask Kevin and he replies that we wait and trust the Lord. 
"But what if we have to go through that again?"  I ask! 
"Then we go through that again.  Are you saying that you would say 'no' if you think God is asking you to do something?"  Kevin had a ready reply.
UG!  Of course I am not going to say no.  That is the problem.  My sneaky self tries to find a way to control the situation so that I am not asked.  I am afraid of being asked to do that hard thing. 
God spoke.  Again.and.Again.and.Again.
"Your ways are not My ways."  "Lean not on your own understanding." "The beginning of wisdom is the fear of the Lord."  Straight from HIS mouth in HIS Word. 
I confessed my desire to control this situation and letting fear take the place of God's provision.  God reminded me that HE was in control  I heard it in the music, I heard it in a sermon, I heard it on a CD about God's GRACE!  (I didn't expect to hear it there!!!)  God has made it clear.  He is the author of this story.  I am privileged to be allowed a glimpse of His goodness.  
I finally relinquished my battle and submitted my will to His, even with the knowledge that I may find what I need to do to be very hard.  God, being the great, awesome, powerful, kind, thoughtful, and knowing God that He is gave me a gift.  As I fretted about the next phone call that would bring the next placement whether I was ready or not, God brought the phone call.  The call that said we would not be placed until after the rest of our adoption paperwork was done (a new rule in this process) and that the placement wouldn't come unless it went through our adoption worker (who intimately knows what our hopes are!)  If the call about Mattie came today, we wouldn't have been placed with her.  (I am so totally sure God needed us to care for her!)  I feel like as soon as I let go, God showed me how He was controlling this situation all along.  What an awesome and loving God we serve.  He didn't have to show me any of this.  He could have let me believe that any minute we could get a call and be back on that same roller coaster but through His grace and mercy, he shared a bit of information that gave me such peace.  In the words of our social worker, "That was a great thing you guys were willing to do, but I think it's time to get you some keepers!"  God never promised things wouldn't be hard. But the hard things aren't nearly as hard when you relinquish your will to His and allow Him to work all things for His glory.  (I will talk about "hard" later - because reading "it is hard" and living "it is hard" are really two very different things),
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.  Proverbs 3:5,6

The Earth is Shaking!

He replied, "Because you have so little faith. I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you."  Matthew 17:20

Does anyone else feel the trembling?  I do.  God is busy in the business of moving some mountains and I can't wait to see the new landscape.  So many interesting things have happened that lead me to beleive that His great and mighty power is at work in and around my life.  I will rejoice!