Devil's Advocate (duplicate post from Adoption Blog)

Nausea returned, as my hands started shaking.  I realized that I should have had more than a Diet Pepsi before trying to take on this meeting.  I alternated between hot and cold and my fingers were tingling.  As I left the Doctor’s office and walked the very short distance between the two buildings, my ears began ringing and the intensity of my discomfort increased.  I realized I was physically not going to be able to get through this on my own.  I started to pray.  I silently called out to God asking Him to help.  I had been praying, off and on, but now I was pleading.  I had no idea how to face the person who put this tiny baby I was carrying though so much agony.  It was HER fault he struggled to eat, HER fault that he would have learning delays, and HER fault that he would never have the perfect family that God intended.  I prayed. I needed God to touch my heart and quick.  I was going to see her in just minutes.   I was 5 minutes late.

Thankfully, God always answers.   As I walked, God quietly spoke, “I love her too.”  The words struck a cord and I was convicted.  I (in my sin) DIDN’T love her too.  I didn’t love her at all.  I placed all the blame right at her feet and never considered her worthy of love and forgiveness.  Then, God reminded me, “I loved her first.”  In God’s eyes, our precious little peanut was no more important than his mom. (I am reminded of the Prodigal Son in Luke)  SHE is loved by him.  SHE is important to Him!  A few feet from the door, the door I would walk through and see her for the first time, my heart melted.  I felt so much love for her.  Only the love that God the Father can give.  I was completely humbled that God chose to overlook my sins and is offering her the same.  I was convicted for thinking that the problems of this person are any more horrible in the sight of God than the things I have done.  Who was I to judge her?  I started to pray again.  I asked for forgiveness for my hardened heart and felt forgiven.  I asked for a sensitive heart for her so that I would be able to pray for her and all that she is going through and God answered.

I can’t pretend to know what has brought her to this place, or what it is going to take to help her get to a place that she is healthy and can be a mother to her son.  I know that after meeting her and the father of the baby, I pray constantly for their struggles.  They are greatly loved by God and I know He has amazing plans for them and for their lives as a family.  I do all I can to show them the love of God and share about Jesus’ transforming strength. 

Our society likes labels:   Good Guys and Bad Guys.  Victim and Perpetrator.  Friend and Enemy.  I see now that we have only one enemy and that is the enemy of our soul who seeks to destroy families.  This mom, who I saw as the enemy is really a victim of the real enemy.  She is not the devil, she is his prey.  I will continue to bring her to the Lord in PRAY – ER!!!!  The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.  John 10:10

Shoes - God's Consistent Provision

It seemed like such a good idea at the time...

Basketball season was coming to a close and it had not gone well.  AT. ALL.  

Track seemed like a great idea, he can really jump!  But.  He's never tried it.  He is completely dedicated to basketball.

When he agreed to try it - just for the season - we were all excited - until...

SHOES!  Ug!  The week before the track meet, we realize he needs track shoes.  Seriously???  Of course he does.  I can't think of a single thing this poor kid does that doesn't require a new pair of shoes.  The week's schedule was already full.  Overflowing, really.  If the shoe store was open 24 hours a day, we might be able to find something.  And, of course, it was too late to order something on-line.  Should I have been more prepared? Sure, if I he had committed to the team or if I had knowledge of the shoe situation, I might have been.  (MIGHT.)

Back story:  14, 13, 12, 6, 4, 3 mos.  Those are the ages of the kids in my house right now.  The baby is a foster baby who is visiting parents, social workers, Doctors and specialists.  The 13 year old is also new to our home and will hopefully be adopted.  She also has visits from social workers, psychiatrists, school counselors, psychologist, doctors, specialists, etc...We regularly have appointments daily.  Usually, more than one a day.  The 12, 6, and 5 year old are home-schooled.

I had no way to get him shoes.  The only possible time I had was the day before the meet.  I looked at shoes and realized that they may cost up to $100!  This used to be enough to derail me, but!  I am learning.  I am learning to trust in Him!  I knew that what needed to be done was beyond what I could control or do.  I couldn't guarantee that the shoes he wanted or needed would be in the stores, that they would have his size, or that we could afford them.  I had no way to control the schedule that was already set before me.  I simply looked for a time and decided I would do my best.  I never really considered what would happen if we didn't find the shoes, but I think I must have just figured that God would have something.  

And then it happened!  I got a text.  "Coach found shoes for me."  When I got to his school  he pulls out a pair of like-new condition - just the right size - perfect style - track shoes!!!  They were still in a box, still in a bag.  They were left in with the track supplies.  No one knew who they belong to and it appeared to all involved that they had been left in the track supplies from last year!  The coach said he was welcome to use them for this season. There is nothing too insignificant for our God, nothing too difficult.  Just when it seems like it can't be done, HE DOES IT!  This just blows me away.

I think God had a special plan for this one.  My son has been struggling to experience God on his own.  He knows how God has provided shoes for him in the past and how God provided boots for Mari.  The fact that he got to experience this provision again, in this way made God feel very close and very real.  I think God was giving him an extra love that day and I got to be part of it too.  It is funny to me how God chooses to repeat things.  Probably just to get my attention.  I think my oldest may want to consider what his feet might be used for, since God is taking very good care of them!!!

"Ah, Sovereign LORD, you have made the heavens and the earth by your great power and outstretched arm. Nothing is too hard for you."  Jeremiah 32:17


Just in case you wanted to see how God has ministered to us using shoes in the past....look here and here