If No Were an Option

Opening my heart, opening my home, opening my life.  Sharing with someone, who promises nothing, everything.  Knowing pain is the only possible outcome and saying "yes" anyway.

She is addicted and pregnant.  He is addicted and scared.  They know they should stop, but they can't.  The hold the drugs and alcohol have on them is too strong.  IF they get help, there could be criminal charges, court dates, and child protective services.

When we got that call.  The call that changed everything, again.  We knew taking in this little guy could be a mission God would use us for.  All of the excuses:  It's too hard, I get too attached, how could I give him back...won't work this time, God is asking, I am responding.

I respond to the sweet baby love that he gives, but I respond to the broken pain that his parents have.  My heart breaks and I pray.  Then I ask others to join me.  God works.  In this situation, the parents are healing, learning, and preparing.  They will one day be the family God intended.

What if I said "no."  I don't know and can never know if they would still be as able to get this far in the program if I wasn't praying, but maybe they would, but maybe they wouldn't.  What if they didn't.  What if they lost their baby to the social system and returned to the life they had been living.

Then, what if I went before the Lord to give an account of my life and God said to me, "What happened here?  Why didn't you take care of my people?  Why didn't you help them like I wanted you?"

What would I say to that?  What answer could I give?  Could I say, "It's too hard?  Or I get too attached?"

I must, I am compelled, and now I am blessed because the Lord has allowed me to part of this healing process.  I was rewarded with a new family.  I may not get to adopt a baby, but I do get a sister and brother in the Lord.  I will not look the other way and pretend nothing is happening when there is something I can do.
Proverbs 24:11 - 12

rescue those being led away to death;

    hold back those staggering toward slaughter.

If you say, “But we knew nothing about this,”

    does not he who weighs the heart perceive it?

Does not he who guards your life know it?

    Will he not repay everyone according to what they have done?

The Wedding

The dress, the flowers, the rings.  The images of the perfect wedding began dancing around in her head as a little girl.  She saw the princesses and imagined herself with her prince living happily ever after.  Long before the world steps in to show her that life is never going to be a fairy tale come true.

What she never imagined was fighting the control of the drug that will forever plague her, having to ask permission to marry the father of her child.  She never thought she would have a four hour pass to look for her dress and another pass to go to the court house for the wedding.

I never imagined that I would spend time shopping with a homeless drug addict.  Raising her child as she heals from her addiction.  I never imagined that I would find a way to budget a little better this month to be able to afford to buy her a wedding dress.

As my husband and I discussed the amount the dress would cost, we both knew it wasn't in our budget.  We talked about ways to make it work and knew that in the end it was God's money and we felt called to help in this way.  We would cut back.  After making the decision, worrying a little bit, and doing it anyway, we got a phone call.  At dinner time.

Annoyed, I answered the call.  It was Chase, reminding me of my "rewards points."  I explained that I like the retirement points, but my husband handles all of that.  My husbands was whispering that was the wrong card.  Embarrassed, I asked more questions.  It turned out that my "points" were worth exactly the amount of money I needed for the dress, undergarments, and shoes!

If the call had come any sooner, I would have missed it.  I would have been excited about the money, but I wouldn't have seen the connection.  We were able to receive a burden on our hearts from God, act, even when it was going to be tough for us, and then witness God's provision.  I have noticed this pattern in the past.  God asks me to obey and then shows me the provision.  I am so thankful that HE is always there to care for me.  I know this is not what I imagined, but I know that it is made perfect in Him.  HIS daughters, shopping for a wedding dress to honor His desire for this baby to have a family.  What beauty HE creates from the dust!

Devil's Advocate (duplicate post from Adoption Blog)

Nausea returned, as my hands started shaking.  I realized that I should have had more than a Diet Pepsi before trying to take on this meeting.  I alternated between hot and cold and my fingers were tingling.  As I left the Doctor’s office and walked the very short distance between the two buildings, my ears began ringing and the intensity of my discomfort increased.  I realized I was physically not going to be able to get through this on my own.  I started to pray.  I silently called out to God asking Him to help.  I had been praying, off and on, but now I was pleading.  I had no idea how to face the person who put this tiny baby I was carrying though so much agony.  It was HER fault he struggled to eat, HER fault that he would have learning delays, and HER fault that he would never have the perfect family that God intended.  I prayed. I needed God to touch my heart and quick.  I was going to see her in just minutes.   I was 5 minutes late.

Thankfully, God always answers.   As I walked, God quietly spoke, “I love her too.”  The words struck a cord and I was convicted.  I (in my sin) DIDN’T love her too.  I didn’t love her at all.  I placed all the blame right at her feet and never considered her worthy of love and forgiveness.  Then, God reminded me, “I loved her first.”  In God’s eyes, our precious little peanut was no more important than his mom. (I am reminded of the Prodigal Son in Luke)  SHE is loved by him.  SHE is important to Him!  A few feet from the door, the door I would walk through and see her for the first time, my heart melted.  I felt so much love for her.  Only the love that God the Father can give.  I was completely humbled that God chose to overlook my sins and is offering her the same.  I was convicted for thinking that the problems of this person are any more horrible in the sight of God than the things I have done.  Who was I to judge her?  I started to pray again.  I asked for forgiveness for my hardened heart and felt forgiven.  I asked for a sensitive heart for her so that I would be able to pray for her and all that she is going through and God answered.

I can’t pretend to know what has brought her to this place, or what it is going to take to help her get to a place that she is healthy and can be a mother to her son.  I know that after meeting her and the father of the baby, I pray constantly for their struggles.  They are greatly loved by God and I know He has amazing plans for them and for their lives as a family.  I do all I can to show them the love of God and share about Jesus’ transforming strength. 

Our society likes labels:   Good Guys and Bad Guys.  Victim and Perpetrator.  Friend and Enemy.  I see now that we have only one enemy and that is the enemy of our soul who seeks to destroy families.  This mom, who I saw as the enemy is really a victim of the real enemy.  She is not the devil, she is his prey.  I will continue to bring her to the Lord in PRAY – ER!!!!  The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.  John 10:10