If No Were an Option

Opening my heart, opening my home, opening my life.  Sharing with someone, who promises nothing, everything.  Knowing pain is the only possible outcome and saying "yes" anyway.

She is addicted and pregnant.  He is addicted and scared.  They know they should stop, but they can't.  The hold the drugs and alcohol have on them is too strong.  IF they get help, there could be criminal charges, court dates, and child protective services.

When we got that call.  The call that changed everything, again.  We knew taking in this little guy could be a mission God would use us for.  All of the excuses:  It's too hard, I get too attached, how could I give him back...won't work this time, God is asking, I am responding.

I respond to the sweet baby love that he gives, but I respond to the broken pain that his parents have.  My heart breaks and I pray.  Then I ask others to join me.  God works.  In this situation, the parents are healing, learning, and preparing.  They will one day be the family God intended.

What if I said "no."  I don't know and can never know if they would still be as able to get this far in the program if I wasn't praying, but maybe they would, but maybe they wouldn't.  What if they didn't.  What if they lost their baby to the social system and returned to the life they had been living.

Then, what if I went before the Lord to give an account of my life and God said to me, "What happened here?  Why didn't you take care of my people?  Why didn't you help them like I wanted you?"

What would I say to that?  What answer could I give?  Could I say, "It's too hard?  Or I get too attached?"

I must, I am compelled, and now I am blessed because the Lord has allowed me to part of this healing process.  I was rewarded with a new family.  I may not get to adopt a baby, but I do get a sister and brother in the Lord.  I will not look the other way and pretend nothing is happening when there is something I can do.
Proverbs 24:11 - 12

rescue those being led away to death;

    hold back those staggering toward slaughter.

If you say, “But we knew nothing about this,”

    does not he who weighs the heart perceive it?

Does not he who guards your life know it?

    Will he not repay everyone according to what they have done?

Afraid to Love

Afraid to love

Something that could break

Could I move on

If you were torn away

And I'm so close

To what I can't control

I can't give you half my heart 

And pray He makes you whole

You're gonna have all of me

You're gonna have all of me

Cause you're worth every falling tear

You're worth facing any fear

You're gonna know all my love

Even if it's not enough

Enough to mend our broken hearts

But giving you all of me 

Is where all start

All of Me by Matt Hammitt

God speaks to me through songs sometimes.  I have dedicated this particular song to our foster baby.  I knew God placed him in our arms and I know God will be with him as he goes through his life, even when I am not there, but that doesn't make it easier. 

I have been asked, "Don't you get attached?"  The answer is, "YES!!!"  I attach to an idea, even before there is a person involved.  I have yet to meet a foster parent who doesn't, but the work needs to be done.  So, when I feel the sadness and loss, I remember the lyrics to this song, knowing that I won't hold back.  Even though there is pain in the offering, I will offer generously because he is worth all of me.  He is God's child.

This precious child will go back to live with his parents and we will miss him.  I know it will be hard, and yet I also know it is to God's glory!  I talk to God a lot about this.  Through it all, God reminds me that my mistake is thinking that any of "my" kids belong to me.  They are His.  They belong to Him.  I am allowed the privileged of loving them for a time and the responsibility of teaching them about Him, but ultimately, they are His first and only.  He has given me the gift of time, more with some, and less with others.  He reminds me that this isn't new.  

He allows me to complain and tell him, "I can't do it!" while He whispers, "I know. I can."  He has brought people along side of me when I fail like He did with Moses and Aaron.  He shows me that even though a parent may have not been perfect, he can create beauty from the family like He did in Samuel's life with Eli.  I am reminded that I truly have to completely surrender all to gain all that is made perfect in Him.  They are His and in Him they are safe, no matter what the world may look like, they can be confident that He cares more than anyone about them.  I give them to Him.  It is only through complete surrender, that I can know the true face of God.

Annie has 3 teeth, 2 kids, and 8 toes - total.

Annie has 3 teeth, 2 kids, and 8 toes - total.  She is in her early 30s, but looks at least 15 years older.  She has had diabetes all her life and she recently moved.  To a battered women's shelter.

I met her after dropping the baby off for a visit with his parents.  She was visibly shaken and joined a conversation I was having with another foster mom.  She was very dissatisfied with the care her child was receiving in her foster home.  She said, "I didn't hurt my kids, do drugs, or drink.  The only reason I don't have my kids is because I had to have surgery on my feet and I had no one to take care of them.  Their dad couldn't do it..."

She shifted back and forth on her bandaged feet, restlessly looking for an answer. She needed to catch her bus back to the shelter, but she knew  her blood pressure was up and was worried about her diabetes.  I think she was reluctant to leave the hospital property.  She got the letter today that she will get an EBT card, but she doesn't have the card and the shelter only allows so much food.  She thought she would find a food closet tomorrow.

Because Annie is "in the system now," she has to wait to have her children returned to her care.  She had an appointment with the court, but her lawyer didn't show up.  The rescheduled and the lawyer who came was unfamiliar with her case.  It was postponed again until next week.  

One thing I admire about some of the "godly" people I know, is that they taught me:  do the thing that is in front of you.  Jesus said, "Whatever you do for the least of these..." Annie mentioned that she was able to get to a food bank in the morning so I picked up some groceries to get her though the night.   The most important thing, though, was that I shared with her about Safe Families.  If she could have had access to this organization, she would be with her kids today.  She would probably have had transportation to a food bank or even a few bags of groceries until her services kicked in...I am praying tonight that she is able to talk to someone there.  She will, undoubtedly, need help in the future.  She has NO support and serious medical issues.  If you think of Annie, would you join me in praying for her?  

Thank you.