Afraid to Love

Afraid to love

Something that could break

Could I move on

If you were torn away

And I'm so close

To what I can't control

I can't give you half my heart 

And pray He makes you whole

You're gonna have all of me

You're gonna have all of me

Cause you're worth every falling tear

You're worth facing any fear

You're gonna know all my love

Even if it's not enough

Enough to mend our broken hearts

But giving you all of me 

Is where all start

All of Me by Matt Hammitt

God speaks to me through songs sometimes.  I have dedicated this particular song to our foster baby.  I knew God placed him in our arms and I know God will be with him as he goes through his life, even when I am not there, but that doesn't make it easier. 

I have been asked, "Don't you get attached?"  The answer is, "YES!!!"  I attach to an idea, even before there is a person involved.  I have yet to meet a foster parent who doesn't, but the work needs to be done.  So, when I feel the sadness and loss, I remember the lyrics to this song, knowing that I won't hold back.  Even though there is pain in the offering, I will offer generously because he is worth all of me.  He is God's child.

This precious child will go back to live with his parents and we will miss him.  I know it will be hard, and yet I also know it is to God's glory!  I talk to God a lot about this.  Through it all, God reminds me that my mistake is thinking that any of "my" kids belong to me.  They are His.  They belong to Him.  I am allowed the privileged of loving them for a time and the responsibility of teaching them about Him, but ultimately, they are His first and only.  He has given me the gift of time, more with some, and less with others.  He reminds me that this isn't new.  

He allows me to complain and tell him, "I can't do it!" while He whispers, "I know. I can."  He has brought people along side of me when I fail like He did with Moses and Aaron.  He shows me that even though a parent may have not been perfect, he can create beauty from the family like He did in Samuel's life with Eli.  I am reminded that I truly have to completely surrender all to gain all that is made perfect in Him.  They are His and in Him they are safe, no matter what the world may look like, they can be confident that He cares more than anyone about them.  I give them to Him.  It is only through complete surrender, that I can know the true face of God.

Do You Speak the Language?

I was recently reading a book called "The Outliers" by Malcolm Gladwell. The book had some really interesting points and I think the message I gleaned the most from the book, the author probably never intended. The book was about the people in our society who fall outside the norm - far outside - the Outliers. It mostly focused on successful people, but it included failures as well. The common theme was that people didn't succeed or fail on their own; that there were no "self-made" people in the world. The author points out the many things that have to be in place in order to have a great success or a great failure. One of the failures that the book addressed was the Korean Airline's crash record. It was terrible. They are now safe! It was fixed through giving the employee's of the airline a new language to speak. In the native culture, it was rude to speak in an assertive way and, as a result, there was a communication break-down. By giving the airline employees a new language to speak, they were able to keep their culture in tact, and yet communicate effectively. The communication necessary to be safe did not fit the cultural paradigm. Why am I going on about this random part of a random book??? Well, it is because I have been thinking a lot about the problems facing our world, our culture, and developing countries. It is true that many of the problems stem from war and often war is a result of deeply ingrained ideas - even prejudices. Specifically, I am thinking of countries that have people groups that are shunned by the general population or that are constantly war with each other. A news paper article was recently brought to my attention. (New York Times December 2008) It was written by an atheist. This atheist was a proponent for spreading Christianity to developing countries. He was an African by birth and revisited the continent as an adult journalist. His comments can be summarized with the statement that Christianity gives people a new language. It allows their paradigm to shift from old, negative, behaviors, to new, constructive behaviors. Although, I wouldn't normally give weight to the words of someone who has publicly denounced our Lord, I give his words extra credit because of his personal belief being completely overridden by fact. I am thankful that he spoke the truth! (Every knee shall bow, every tongue confess...) I give him credit because, although he holds to his beliefs system, he was willing to tell his audience the life-giving, transforming truth of GOD'S word!

I tie these two stories together by the realization that we need to completely change the way people see each other if we ever want to make a dent in this problem. If we ever want to find a solution to the orphan crisis, we need to make the world a place where parents can raise their children. Until then, we need to continue to fight for the language of the LORD to be spread throughout the nations to give people a new voice of love for each other.

All of these revelations came to me as I was praying about the orphan crisis. Living in America, it is difficult for me to consider bringing an orphan home from another country. It breaks my heart to think that that poor child has to leave the land God originally blessed him or her with to come to this land (which I happen to think is great, but not necessarily the best place for everyone.) In a perfect world, the orphans could be cared for in the land of their birth and thrive to make it even better. This is a fallen world, though, we are called to care for the orphans and the widows. I realized that creating a world where orphans can be cared for in their own community is still a long way away.

So, I am going to love the child God places in my care and I am going to love the country where he or she or they are from so that I can give the love back to them when they are old enough to understand it. I will pray that they never lose a love for their birth country, but that they also thrive in the country that they will call home. I pray that we can quicken the day that all people will learn this new language of love for each other. God said these were the greatest commandments: "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength. The second is this: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'" Mark: 30 - 31