Going Forward in His Name

Linny, at A Place Called Simplicity opened up a link for her wonderful Memorial Box Monday posts.  I love these encouraging posts and I love that it reminds me to remember all of the miracles God provides for us on a regular basis!

A couple of posts ago, I mentioned that God had been with me through a time of change and He showed Himself clearly.  Well, here is the rest of that story!

Two things were bothering me:  1.  I was concerned about how to educate my special needs daughter at home.  She has a lot to still go through and she had a really rough past, so bringing her home seemed like it would give her the nurture and love that she so needed, but I felt ill-equipped.  God answered that right away with a conference in FL that was specifically structured to her needs.  But (2.) I live 3,000 miles from that conference.  So, Ok Lord, now what?

Here's what:  I very much felt it was the Lord who showed me that conference and I felt that I should go.  This is very contrary to my natural behavior.  I had a nanny who helped us on a regular basis, but she was changing jobs at exactly that time and was completely unavailable.  I felt like going was impossible, but since I thought it was the Lord's leading, I went ahead and purchased the tickets, paid for the hotel, and booked the flight.  Still, no baby sitter for my 5 kids and 4 dogs.  I remembered, though.  God sometimes wants us to go forward even before we know how it will "all work out."  I just trusted that it would.

The time kept getting closer and closer.  I was a little nervous.  Kevin surprised me with an invitation to a late lunch one day and I accepted.  We had been discussing the situation, but neither of us had a solution yet.  As we entered the restaurant, I was praying.  I asked God, "Maybe the waitress needs more hours."  As the prayer entered my head and heart, I thought I must be desperate and felt very silly. I do that sometimes and I think God thinks I am silly.  (I hope so!)  Anyway, if you read the post before, you will remember that our waitress recognized me and I remembered her from when she was younger.  (I didn't know she worked there and I hadn't seen her in about 4ish years.  I knew her when she was a young teen and I knew her family.  I could never have anticipated seeing her there, though! - not even the same town!!!)  We got to chatting and I (of course) asked her if she might be interested in child care.  I couldn't talk to her long because she was busy, but a few days later, she came to our home, met our kids and our dogs and they all loved her!  (of course) and she agreed to stay with them while we went to the conference!  The kids had a great time with her while we were gone and she has now agreed to be our new nanny! 

So, just incase you need a recap:  God provided a conference full of the information I needed RIGHT when I needed it and then He provided help exactly in the silly way I had been praying.  He could have done this in so many ways (in fact, I had almost called this sweet girl's mom that morning, but couldn't get to it.)  I fully believe that He provided in this way so that it is clear that it was HIS doing.

Over and over again in John and many other books of the Bible, Jesus calls us to ask in His name so that the FATHER can be glorified.  John 14:13  "And I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Father may be glorified in the Son."

In a Way That We Know it is Him!

I haven't posted in a while.  I have been busy.  But what I really have been doing is forgetting.

Forgetting to let God take control. 
Forgetting that HE knows what I need.
Forgetting to ask and WAIT.

Does God ever crack you up?  I mean seriously.  I asked God, really asked, to see more of Him.  I felt "lonely" for Him.  I have seen Him working lately, and I feel His presence, but I haven't had any personal accounts and I missed it.  God reminded me that it was because I was so busy taking care of my own stuff that I forgot to involve Him.  Let's just say this is not a good plan!

So, I went to God and asked.  Then, I picked up my Bible and remembered to LOOK for Him.  Then, He did it!  Answers started pouring in.  And the last one, that's one to watch.  That one is the one that cracked me up.  But it is last,  I have to list the others first.

First:  We have been praying for a young run-away addict who was living with her dealer.  I had an opportunity to minister to her for a short time and she still made the decision to go.  I was heartbroken and when I lost communication, I believed that the worst had probably happened.  My only hope was that she had made a decision for Christ at one point and I couldn't believe He would ever let her go.  She is just a kid!  I learned that she was in a new home and at church!  YESTERDAY!  God is sooooo good to bring her through that!  God reminded me that I don't get to know what "too far gone" looks like.  There is ALWAYS hope in Him!  Praise the Lord!

Then:  I have a very delayed adopted daughter who is struggling with everything from grief and loss to adjusting.  She also has psychiatric needs that complicate her processing.  She has only been in our home for a year and a half and she is 15.  I decided to change the way we are tackling her school.  I desperately was in search of information and when I finally let go of the late-night crazy pursuit, an email came across my desktop with a conference that looks like it is designed to meet my needs and questions!  God is soooooo Good!  Now, I just have to get there.  But!  I have no doubt that it will happen.

But!  Next and Last:  We have a nanny who the kids love and who would be willing to stay with the kids while I am gone at the conference except that she is changing jobs right at the time the conference is on.  I don't blame her.  She has a college degree and a heart for children.  She will do great things, but, that left me without someone at a time when I really need someone.  So I prayed.  Today.  I asked God to bring to mind someone I am not thinking of, someone that He has for our family.  I went to lunch with my hubby and as we walked into the restaurant, I prayed that if there is a waitress that might want some extra hours please bring her to our attention.  Then, I laughed at myself because I thought I must be desperate to try to recruit just anyone, even the waitress.  I laughed out loud when our waitress looked down at me and said, "Wait, I know you!"  And she did!!!  I had known her and her family since she was young, but I hadn't seen them since she was a teen.  They are wonderful people and I really like this girl.  I brought it up with her right then and there.  And I followed with a phone call.  I cannot guarantee she will say yes, but I know God wanted me to ask!  And to make this part even more funny, I accidentally came across her mom's phone number today while looking for the phone number of a previous babysitter who might be able to help.  Remember, this is someone I haven't talked to in  long time!  How great is it that God would put on my heart to pray for a waitress when there was NO reason I should expect to see someone I know.  Different town, bigger town.  So fun.  I love that God not only answers prayers, but He answers them in a way that we cannot deny it is Him!  Awesome.  Thank you God.

My verse for today is:  Be still and know that I am God.  Psalm 46:10

Remember

I was 19 and working for minimum wage.  Some would call it living pay-check-to-pay-check, but I had never heard that term before.  I just knew that I had enough to pay my bills and meet my basic needs, so I was happy...until.

At 19, "until" wasn't something I knew anything about.  I wasn't prepared for sick days, or insurance rate increases.  I didn't understand that utility bills fluctuated and you actually had to BUY salt.  I was feeling so grown up...until.

My "until" wasn't something that was catastrophic.  It was the small expenses of everyday living that creeped in and stole every last penny I had.  I know, because I knew every penny I had.  I never misplaced money, left it in the car or in the cushions of the couch.  So, when I was out of money, I was completely out of money.

I remember that I was about a week away from my next pay check.  Bills needed to be paid, I had very little gas and I had even less in the refrigerator.  I was too far away to afford to go home to my mom's house to eat every night, so I had to make a plan.  I collected every recyclable I could find in the area and I recycled. I earned about $60 and that got me through until pay day.

It would be great to say that was the end of my money worries, but unfortunately, that was just part of a very long road to understanding finances.

Now, years later, we were talking with friends as they were getting ready to move from the shelter into a rental.  They had nothing and we were able to help with a few things and we were able to find others who were also in a position to help.  They were speechless, constantly saying that they would "remember us" when they got back on their feet and they would "pay us back" when they had the money.

I told them my story.  Reminding them that no matter where we are in life, whether it is in a place of very little or a place of abundance, it isn't permanent.  Only God provides and from His provisions we share.  God said to us, "If you have two coats, give one away," he said.  "Do the same with your food."  Luke 3:11

And remembering my own story helps my heart be ready for their story.  God designed it that way.  Through my journey, I can encourage.  Through my fear and His faithfulness, I can show His goodness.  Through His provision, I can share His glory.

Deuteronomy 24:17 -  22 says:  Do not deprive the foreigner of fatherless of justice, or take the cloak of a widow as a pledge.  REMEMBER that you were slaves in Egypt and the Lord your God redeemed you from there.  That is why I command you to do this.    When you are harvesting in your field and you overlook a sheaf, do not go back and get it.  Leave it for the foreigner, the fatherless and the widow so that the Lord your God may bless you in all the work of your hands.  When you beat the olives from your trees, do not go over the branches a second time.  Leave what remains for the foreigner, the fatherless and the widow.  When you harvest the grapes in your vineyard   Do not go over the vines again.  Leave what remains for the foreigner, the fatherless and the widow.  REMEMBER that you were slaves in Egypt.  That is why I command you to do this.

(Emphasis mine...also, when God chooses to repeat something, I don't think it is an accident.  I remember...that is why God is commanding me to do this.)

God's Trade. Memorial Box Monday

On the list of things to pray about, it was at the bottom.  I am not sure there was any wisdom in this, it just fell to the "automatic" side of my brain.

We bought the house, it needed fixed, it was part of the job.  It is a job, just like the jobs of many other people in the country.  The only difference is that I don't have anyone standing over me with a work order or a time sheet.  It is up to me to get it done and up to me to decide when to do it.  The problem is that the longer it takes to get done, the more money I lose.

BEFORE

The top of my prayer list:
  Foster daughter (soon to be adopted daughter) with behavior problems, anxiety, school issues.
  Foster baby's family getting ready for their baby's return (the joy and pain involved with that)
  Preparation for our newest (adult) child to move into our home
  the constant stream of social workers and counselors and therapists through my often messy home
  Preparation for Homeschooling 3 this year

I know that there are people who wake up every day and put every thought, need, and circumstance before the Lord. I wish I could say I was one of those people.  I do pray - like crazy.  But, mostly, I pray for the most pressing things and forget to ask for help with the little things.  I know I talked to God about this particular job, but I hadn't specifically asked for help or even given the job much thought other than, "I can't see any possible way to do this."  (Which would make you think it was pressing, but the other things in life were so much bigger, this was barely a twinkle on the radar screen.)  I said to Kev, "There is absolutely nothing in my life right now that I can handle without prayer.  Nothing that I can do on my own."

Now, if you will be very patient, this story is best told unabridged.  Every part necessary.

First:  Man calls:  Will we please sell him the house for a 20K return.  We say no because it is in a good location, we like the house and think it will be a good investment.  The 20K would be nice, but also necessary to get into another similiar house and then we would have to go through the trouble of finding another and we would lose the time we had now for "fixing" the new house putting us that much more "out" for our date of completion.  (We have a very low price point.)\

Next:  Man asks again.  Again, we say no.



Then:  Man stops at house while work is going on to suggest a trade.  He has sentimental attachment to the house.  He is buying a house around the corner that is in much much much better shape and would like to trade the two houses "as-is."  We are certain there is a catch.  This is a much better deal for us than for him and we tell him that.  We tell him about all the things that need to be fixed, we tell him about what we have done, but what needs to be completed.  He still wants to trade.

AFTER (The trade)

So:  After we see that everything checks out, we agree.  We sign papers in the morning agreeing to the trade.  We continue to try to do the jobs God puts in front of us.  This wasn't a "church" job, this wasn't a ministry.  This isn't going to be used as a retreat of a place for conferences.  This is just our work. Our every-day job. There is absolutely no logical reason this person should trade homes with us.  They are literally identical in every way, except one needs thousands of dollars and hundreds of man hours worth of work and the other needs almost nothing.  It is incredible to think God would get involved.  That He would provide in an area that was just our "every day" living.  Even when I wasn't faithful in seeking Him to solve the problem of time, He saw the problem and solved it in a very real way.  My parents are flabbergasted.  They continued to work on the house even though we knew that God had done this.  They said they would "believe it when they saw it."  They haven't ever noticed God work in this way before.  I kept telling them that they were wasting their time.  I kept telling them that this is what God has shown us over and over.  Tomorrow.  It will be done tomorrow and maybe then they will see what the Lord can do!

The Lord has done this and it is marvelous in our eyes  Psalm 118:23

The Wedding

The dress, the flowers, the rings.  The images of the perfect wedding began dancing around in her head as a little girl.  She saw the princesses and imagined herself with her prince living happily ever after.  Long before the world steps in to show her that life is never going to be a fairy tale come true.

What she never imagined was fighting the control of the drug that will forever plague her, having to ask permission to marry the father of her child.  She never thought she would have a four hour pass to look for her dress and another pass to go to the court house for the wedding.

I never imagined that I would spend time shopping with a homeless drug addict.  Raising her child as she heals from her addiction.  I never imagined that I would find a way to budget a little better this month to be able to afford to buy her a wedding dress.

As my husband and I discussed the amount the dress would cost, we both knew it wasn't in our budget.  We talked about ways to make it work and knew that in the end it was God's money and we felt called to help in this way.  We would cut back.  After making the decision, worrying a little bit, and doing it anyway, we got a phone call.  At dinner time.

Annoyed, I answered the call.  It was Chase, reminding me of my "rewards points."  I explained that I like the retirement points, but my husband handles all of that.  My husbands was whispering that was the wrong card.  Embarrassed, I asked more questions.  It turned out that my "points" were worth exactly the amount of money I needed for the dress, undergarments, and shoes!

If the call had come any sooner, I would have missed it.  I would have been excited about the money, but I wouldn't have seen the connection.  We were able to receive a burden on our hearts from God, act, even when it was going to be tough for us, and then witness God's provision.  I have noticed this pattern in the past.  God asks me to obey and then shows me the provision.  I am so thankful that HE is always there to care for me.  I know this is not what I imagined, but I know that it is made perfect in Him.  HIS daughters, shopping for a wedding dress to honor His desire for this baby to have a family.  What beauty HE creates from the dust!

Angry

Jimmy Dean died. "I guess he shouldn't have eaten all of those sausages." Was the mean-spirited remark a friend made after hearing the news. That is what I thought until I heard: Jimmy Dean will be buried in a piano shaped Mausoleum over looking something I can't remember at a cost of $350,000! Now, I think, "...hope he enjoyed those sausages."

What cruel world takes the remains of a life on earth - nothing but flesh returning to the dust from which it came - and puts it in a $350,000 block of cement??? Am I the only one who is crazy frustrated with this? What if we took that same amount and used it to feed people who were hungry? 1,2,3...look, no one died of hunger because of that! 1,2,3...look, one more just died. Why? Because Jimmy Dean or his family, or whoever, needed to build something that has absolutely no use what-so-ever into the ground. Jimmy is still dead. There is no amount of money that will change God's plan of life on this earth. Don't bother trying.

I am frustrated with the amount of money spent to glorify our earthly life. Why do we need to have great smelling candles in our house when we can just cook up a yummy meal and enjoy the aroma that comes from that? Or maybe open our windows? I almost picked up a wonderful candle today at Target and thankfully came to my senses and put if back before I blew the $8 unnecessarily. (I am not picking on candles, I just happen to have had this happen today. There are plenty of other frivolous expenses that we don't even notice in our wealthy American life.) If only Jimmy would have had the chance to see.

Because: Now that I have see, I am responsible. It is my responsibility to love my neighbor as myself and I know that I don't want to...1,2,3...die of hunger.

His passion is so alive in my spirit right now and my worst fear is that I will loose it. I ask God daily, hourly, even more, to renew in me HIS passion. Revive my spirit. Create a clean heart! I pray that I can be part of serving him, in his time. Caring for those who need care. What a privilege it will be when He allows it to happen!

On a lighter note: God gave me another blessing today!!! I emailed a wonderful friend to ask about the cost of her addition. The cost was almost 1/2 of what I thought. The new numbers - including the adoption - are adding up to: You guessed it! $65,000! How great is our GOD! How funny is that? It even looks like it could be less!!!! (Possibly.) I just love how God works. He gives little encouragements along the way to remind us that He is always there. He will provide. I have no doubt.

God, you are an awesome God. You reign over Heaven and earth. With wisdom, power, and love. God You're an awesome God! Thank you so much for your bits of encouragement. Thank you for not turning away from me when I allow myself to be tripped while running this race. Thank you that it is Your hand that I reach for and rely on to help me get back on my feet. Thank you for keeping in front of me so that I have something to focus on, for staying beside me so that I have someone to lean on, and for following behind me, so that I won't be afraid. You are my rock and my strength. My hope lies only in You. Thank you LORD God! In Jesus' name for ever and ever. Amen

Hope

147 million orphans seems like an awfully large number. Who can do anything for this many children? We have been discussing, debating, and praying about our involvement in eliminating that number. Oh! what a wonderful world this would be.

Our house has 1200 square feet, and 3 bedrooms. Because we have a family of 6, we are legally at our maximum capacity to adopt further. My oldest son, David, heard me lamenting over this while in the car. His opinion was that our family was fine as it is. I asked him to imagine: 12 years old, without a mom or dad to take care of you. Without enough food to eat regularly, no school because it was too expensive, very few clothes and possessions, work all day. Now, imagine that there is a mom and dad, brothers and sisters who want you to be part of their family, but the "rules" say that you can't be because their house is too small. Never mind that is is 4 times bigger than any house you have ever been in, never mind that they have a bed for you. I asked him if he would be offer to sleep anywhere, if only to have a family. He said yes.

I think we can legally have more children per room if we adopt internationally and that is the first part of my prayer. The second part is that our house would be more comfortable, yet not roomy, with one more bedroom and bath. If we added a master bedroom out the back of our house, we would have enough room for 2 more!!!

There is a modern day hero at AMAZIMA Ministries. Her name is Katie which just tickles me since that is also my oldest daughter's name. I feel like through her I have been renewed in my passion to seek the Lord with all my heart, with all my soul, with all my mind, and with all my strength. I am after His good. I am after HIS heart. I want to capture it.

And you know what? I added up the costs to add on and adopt 2 more and it is going to come to around $70 thousand! I have saved $20 so far. So, that is a big difference. Here is the miracle. Kevin said tonight, "After this happens, and that happens, we could be left with about $65 thousand!!!" IS GOD SO GOOD OR WHAT? Now, I am not saying God is promising me that money and I am being vague on purpose, but even if I never see the money from this particular source, isn't it great of God to show me that HE can provide it just like that if that is what it takes to do His work??? What an amazing, awe-inspiring God we serve!!!

My prayer tonight: God, thank You for Your specific blessings in my life. For showing and leading me in Your will. God, You are faithful. You are the One through whom all things happen. Please let me look to You for guidance. Please let me search Your heart for mine. If it is Your will that we have 2 more kids become part of our family, please make it know without a doubt. Thank You for showing me the way. I am coming to You because on my own, there would be no point. On my own, I would fail. Only through You can I be anything. Thank you for sharing with me. Only through Jesus can I even ask this of you. Amen.

Who Is To Blame When Things Go Wrong...

Whose Fault Is It?

One of the many jobs I do in a day is referee. My kids are always willing to take responsibility for the good stuff. "Look Mommy." But, the bad stuff, is easy put off on someone else. Recently, my youngest has started lying, very sad.

I am recognizing a parallel with my condition, though. I am eager to get excited when I "work" for the Lord. I think: I am hosting a small group, teaching Sunday School, or Preparing for a Yard Sale. I know I get an eternal blessing for choosing Him now and working toward spreading His message, but the reality is, I get a blessing now too. I love hosting a small group, because the people who come are my friends. I love teaching Sunday School because I believe God has given me a gift for that and when I don't do it, I feel very restless. I am blessed each Sunday that I teach. I also get a blessing from helping with the Yard Sale because I love the people that I am working with and I am excited to see the children who are getting a forever family because of it. These rewards I get now. I am thankful.

However. What about the bad stuff? What about when I hear someone died of malnutrition? What about when I hear that someone went to bed hungry? What about when I hear about the kids who are raised without a mom and a dad? I am not so eager to claim the responsibility for that. I globalize it. I am quick to blame the person directly involved in that situation. I don't want to recognize my fault in it. I am well fed. I threw away about a pound of ground turkey today because we didn't eat it. I also threw away 2 baskets of strawberries that had gone bad. If I have enough to throw in the trash, how is it that I am not responsible for feeding someone who is hungry? Jesus said, whatever you do for the least of these, you do for me. If I believe that, then I have let Jesus go to bed hungry, alone, sick, cold. I have let Him die of hunger or malnutrition. How can I claim to follow Him if I sit in my cozy home with so much food that I am throwing it away?

I am a little bummed tonight. Hubby has been working extra hard on lots of transactions and I was looking forward to a huge reward (pay) for him. I knew it would energize him. He has a tough job sometimes. Deals are falling apart and things aren't working like we thought they would. I was envisioning the wonderful things that money could do...room for many more kids??? Although, I know - He has proved it time and time again - that God will provide for all of our needs and then some, I was eager. I think that might be the problem. It isn't time. I prayed for a larger house and God said, "When you need a bigger house, I will give you one." I believe Him completely. I am probably getting ahead of myself (actually God) again. I am just so eager to bring in the children He has for our family so that they can have a mom and dad. I realize it isn't time. I haven't even been praying about it. My heart, though has been broken for the orphans and NOW THAT I HAVE SEEN, I AM RESPONSIBLE. FAITH WITHOUT DEEDS IS DEAD.

My prayer now is that God will continue this work in me and not let me stray to the right or to the left. Not let me return to who I was, but to continue to passionately pursue HIM! Please, Lord. Keep my eyes focused on you. Let me turn away from the things of this world so that your light is all I see. Let me take responsibility and work towards caring for You through Your people. In Jesus' NAME!

OH! Special little note: This morning, I woke with a toothache. OUCH! It was throbbing like crazy, keeping me awake. I have had a hard time with dental visits. The first time I had a deep filling, I had to be on Vicodin. I might need to get a root canal. Except: Thursday is Emilio's birthday, tomorrow I have 4 birthdays and a Graduation, Friday is a get-together for Emilio's birthday, Saturday is the Yard Sale for the adoption ministry, and next week, I teach VBS. I can't have a root canal right now. I prayed. "God, Please take the pain away." No sooner had I prayed those words, laying all I have before the Lord, that my pain was gone. My tooth is still bugging me a little bit now, but not nearly like it was this morning. I am going to keep asking the Lord to keep the pain away until I can get to the dentist to get it fixed. God is so good!!! How awesome is HE? I have had the experience of Him healing me beyond medical understanding in the past (also doing that for David) but those stories are for another time. This time, I am thankful for my tooth. PRAISE GOD!!!