Mounting frustrations pile up like the laundry on my bed. When all I want to do is crawl back under the covers, I realize one more person needs something from me. Right. Now.
Another coffee cup half full? The Raisin Bran stuck to the side of the bowl. The clean laundry dumped over onto the dog's bed. Is that the cheese sitting on the counter?
"Isn't this what you wanted. A big family means a lot of work." "At least you have a lot of helpers with all those big kids."
AAAAAAHHHHHH!!!! I want to ask Paul, "How!?! How have you learned peace in every circumstance!" But, I know. I know that the peace I am looking for is right there. In the middle of a thoughtless comment (or 4), in the middle of scraping food from a plate, even in the middle of rewashing a load of laundry, again. The peace comes from removing my selfishness and bringing in Him. Only remembering His frustrations and sacrifice, can I stop feeling sorry for myself.
I did want a large family and I knew that there was a lot of work involved. I even knew that that I would have additional challenges because of the way God gave me my family.
When I stop to recognize what is really happening, I see that I feel like I am "being taken advantage of..." or "They should be old enough to help out..." But, what I am really saying is that I should have it easy even when Jesus said to expect people to treat us poorly. He said to "turn the other cheek." He gave us the perfect example on the cross as they were beating Him, He asked for their forgiveness. Why? Because He knew. He knew that what they needed was His GRACE. His mercy and His understanding. He knew that He would suffer so that we could live.
By comparison, my complaints are petty. It is in my weakness and sin that I focus on what ISN'T happening instead of what IS happening. Prayerfully, I bring my problems to the Lord. He shows me His goodness by showing me where I can make a correction. He shared the verses from Luke about loving your enemies, blessing those who curse you. He did it like He often does: Through a friend. He showed me that true healing is happening because I have half-full coffee cups, Raisin Bran stuck to the bowl, and cheese on the counter. In my mess, He is creating beauty.
And then, today at church it was clear. Where my sin truly lies. I can only be taken advantage of if I have something to take. If my resources feel stretched too thin, it is only because I am only trusting in my own resources. Surely, I have learned by now that where my resources end, God's are only just beginning! I had to confess my sin when God brought these verses to me, reminding me that I have earned NOTHING. Everything I have is from the Lord.
Joshua 24:13 So I gave you a land on which you did not toil; and cities you did not build; and you live in them and eat from vineyards and olive groves that you did not plant.
Help me remember. I live in a house I did not build, in a land I did not create. I eat food that I did not grow and care for children I did not bear. I have no right to ask for more and yet everyday there is a new blessing that comes along with the struggles. I know there is nothing I can really give, yet I have been given so much. Let me be Thankful.
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