Who Deserves the Son?

Grocery bags spill to the ground as I grab one too many on my way into the house.  The wind is freezing and I shiver and try to get the key into the lock and hair whips into my eyes.  The first load is in.  This chore has to be done more often.  More mouths eat more food more quickly.  I return for the final load, shivering in my thin t-shirt.  As I open the car door again, I feel warmth, almost heat.  Warm enough that I stop and look up, realizing that the intensity of the sun's rays are being reflected, magnified, and focused by my son's window.  It was captivating.  I stood there for a full minute, eyes closed, face raised.  The walkers at the park must of though I was crazy or at least lost.  Could they think I was praying?  

They would be right.  I delighted in Him.  Stopping at that moment to give praise to the Son who meets all my needs. The Son who brought me God's love.  And I asked.  Do I reflect, magnify, and focus God's love to someone who is shivering in the wind with groceries rolling down to the gutter and wind whipping hair into eyes?  Do I reflect the love God has shown me with his Son to the person who couldn't buy warm shoes or a coat?  Do I magnify the love given to me so that when people come in contact with me, they pause and feel warm?  Do I focus God's love by sharing about the God who loved me first?

I can say yes, to some.  But!  What about those who I believe are a lost cause.  What about those who don't "deserve" a "hand-out."  What about those who are ungrateful, and very self-centered.  What if I know that no matter what I do, the outcome will still be the same.  What if that person has repeated the same behavior and I know I will only become part of their mess if I step in?  Does God want me to waste my time? 

That ray of light.  It would have been there if I didn't notice it.  It would have warmed the sidewalk or the door of the car.  It would shine even without any obvious benefit   This is something I struggle to understand.  Why?  Why waste energy on something that has no clear outcome?  I have not found an answer to this in an earthly sense, but I have run across a verse after praying. I shared the verse and my husband "ended up" on the same verse after also praying.  As God so often does, He placed His word in our hearts so that we would know His heart and then confirmed it.  Being obedient to God is the benefit.  Our heart's desire to say, "yes" is all that we really need.  If there is an earthly blessing, it is only because we honored Him, reflecting, magnifying, and focusing His love in a world that is cold and frustrating.  What would we gain if we do what is right because we can see a need that we have the ability to meet?  How much better is it to look to God for the purpose and the outcome, even if we can't see a change right away or even ever? Knowing that we can use it to build our faith and that we are not acting in our own power and authority but trusting Him with every action we take and every result that follows.  It is easy to say yes when we know we can help, it is hard to say yes when we know we can't.  It is then, that we enter in anyway and trust Him for the reward, for the outcome and for the purpose.  Only then, can we really say that the task was from Him and only to Him is the Glory given.

Luke 14:12 -14  Then Jesus said to His host, "When you give a luncheon or dinner, do not invite your friends, your brothers or sisters, your relatives, or your rich neighbors; if you do, they may invite you back and so you will be repaid.  But when you give a banquet, invite the poor, the crippled, the lame, the blind, and you will be blessed.  Although they cannot repay you, you will be repaid at the resurrection of the righteous."

A City Which I Did Not Build

Mounting frustrations pile up like the laundry on my bed.  When all I want to do is crawl back under the covers, I realize one more person needs something from me.  Right.  Now.

 Another coffee cup half full?  The Raisin Bran stuck to the side of the bowl.  The clean laundry dumped over onto the dog's bed.  Is that the cheese sitting on the counter?

"Isn't this what you wanted.  A big family means a lot of work."  "At least you have a lot of helpers with all those big kids."

AAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!  I want to ask Paul, "How!?!  How have you learned peace in every circumstance!"  But, I know.  I know that the peace I am looking for is right there.  In the middle of a thoughtless comment (or 4), in the middle of scraping food from a plate, even in the middle of rewashing a load of laundry, again.  The peace comes from removing my selfishness and bringing in Him.  Only remembering His frustrations and sacrifice, can I stop feeling sorry for myself.

I did want a large family and I knew that there was a lot of work involved.  I even knew that that I would have additional challenges because of the way God gave me my family.

When I stop to recognize what is really happening, I see that I feel like I am "being taken advantage of..." or "They should be old enough to help out..."  But, what I am really saying is that I should have it easy even when Jesus said to expect people to treat us poorly.  He said to "turn the other cheek."  He gave us the perfect example on the cross as they were beating Him, He asked for their forgiveness.  Why?  Because He knew.  He knew that what they needed was His GRACE.  His mercy and His understanding.  He knew that He would suffer so that we could live.

By comparison, my complaints are petty.  It is in my weakness and sin that I focus on what ISN'T happening instead of what IS happening.  Prayerfully, I bring my problems to the Lord.  He shows me His goodness by showing me where I can make a correction.  He shared the verses from Luke about loving your enemies, blessing those who curse you.  He did it like He often does:  Through a friend.  He showed me that true healing is happening because I have half-full coffee cups, Raisin Bran stuck to the bowl, and cheese on the counter.  In my mess, He is creating beauty.

And then, today at church it was clear.  Where my sin truly lies.  I can only be taken advantage of if I have something to take.  If my resources feel stretched too thin, it is only because I am only trusting in my own resources.  Surely, I have learned by now that where my resources end, God's are only just beginning!  I had to confess my sin when God brought these verses to me, reminding me that I have earned NOTHING.  Everything I have is from the Lord.

Joshua 24:13  So I gave you a land on which you did not toil; and cities you did not build; and you live in them and eat from vineyards and olive groves that you did not plant.

Help me remember.  I live in a house I did not build, in a land I did not create.  I eat food that I did not grow and care for children I did not bear.  I have no right to ask for more and yet everyday there is a new blessing that comes along with the struggles.  I know there is nothing I can really give, yet I have been given so much. Let me be Thankful.