Mounting frustrations pile up like the laundry on my bed. When all I want to do is crawl back under the covers, I realize one more person needs something from me. Right. Now.
Another coffee cup half full? The Raisin Bran stuck to the side of the bowl. The clean laundry dumped over onto the dog's bed. Is that the cheese sitting on the counter?
"Isn't this what you wanted. A big family means a lot of work." "At least you have a lot of helpers with all those big kids."
AAAAAAHHHHHH!!!! I want to ask Paul, "How!?! How have you learned peace in every circumstance!" But, I know. I know that the peace I am looking for is right there. In the middle of a thoughtless comment (or 4), in the middle of scraping food from a plate, even in the middle of rewashing a load of laundry, again. The peace comes from removing my selfishness and bringing in Him. Only remembering His frustrations and sacrifice, can I stop feeling sorry for myself.
I did want a large family and I knew that there was a lot of work involved. I even knew that that I would have additional challenges because of the way God gave me my family.
When I stop to recognize what is really happening, I see that I feel like I am "being taken advantage of..." or "They should be old enough to help out..." But, what I am really saying is that I should have it easy even when Jesus said to expect people to treat us poorly. He said to "turn the other cheek." He gave us the perfect example on the cross as they were beating Him, He asked for their forgiveness. Why? Because He knew. He knew that what they needed was His GRACE. His mercy and His understanding. He knew that He would suffer so that we could live.
By comparison, my complaints are petty. It is in my weakness and sin that I focus on what ISN'T happening instead of what IS happening. Prayerfully, I bring my problems to the Lord. He shows me His goodness by showing me where I can make a correction. He shared the verses from Luke about loving your enemies, blessing those who curse you. He did it like He often does: Through a friend. He showed me that true healing is happening because I have half-full coffee cups, Raisin Bran stuck to the bowl, and cheese on the counter. In my mess, He is creating beauty.
And then, today at church it was clear. Where my sin truly lies. I can only be taken advantage of if I have something to take. If my resources feel stretched too thin, it is only because I am only trusting in my own resources. Surely, I have learned by now that where my resources end, God's are only just beginning! I had to confess my sin when God brought these verses to me, reminding me that I have earned NOTHING. Everything I have is from the Lord.
Joshua 24:13 So I gave you a land on which you did not toil; and cities you did not build; and you live in them and eat from vineyards and olive groves that you did not plant.
Help me remember. I live in a house I did not build, in a land I did not create. I eat food that I did not grow and care for children I did not bear. I have no right to ask for more and yet everyday there is a new blessing that comes along with the struggles. I know there is nothing I can really give, yet I have been given so much. Let me be Thankful.
Wednesday, October 24, 2012
Monday, October 22, 2012
Remember
I was 19 and working for minimum wage. Some would call it living pay-check-to-pay-check, but I had never heard that term before. I just knew that I had enough to pay my bills and meet my basic needs, so I was happy...until.
At 19, "until" wasn't something I knew anything about. I wasn't prepared for sick days, or insurance rate increases. I didn't understand that utility bills fluctuated and you actually had to BUY salt. I was feeling so grown up...until.
My "until" wasn't something that was catastrophic. It was the small expenses of everyday living that creeped in and stole every last penny I had. I know, because I knew every penny I had. I never misplaced money, left it in the car or in the cushions of the couch. So, when I was out of money, I was completely out of money.
I remember that I was about a week away from my next pay check. Bills needed to be paid, I had very little gas and I had even less in the refrigerator. I was too far away to afford to go home to my mom's house to eat every night, so I had to make a plan. I collected every recyclable I could find in the area and I recycled. I earned about $60 and that got me through until pay day.
It would be great to say that was the end of my money worries, but unfortunately, that was just part of a very long road to understanding finances.
Now, years later, we were talking with friends as they were getting ready to move from the shelter into a rental. They had nothing and we were able to help with a few things and we were able to find others who were also in a position to help. They were speechless, constantly saying that they would "remember us" when they got back on their feet and they would "pay us back" when they had the money.
I told them my story. Reminding them that no matter where we are in life, whether it is in a place of very little or a place of abundance, it isn't permanent. Only God provides and from His provisions we share. God said to us, "If you have two coats, give one away," he said. "Do the same with your food." Luke 3:11
And remembering my own story helps my heart be ready for their story. God designed it that way. Through my journey, I can encourage. Through my fear and His faithfulness, I can show His goodness. Through His provision, I can share His glory.
Deuteronomy 24:17 - 22 says: Do not deprive the foreigner of fatherless of justice, or take the cloak of a widow as a pledge. REMEMBER that you were slaves in Egypt and the Lord your God redeemed you from there. That is why I command you to do this. When you are harvesting in your field and you overlook a sheaf, do not go back and get it. Leave it for the foreigner, the fatherless and the widow so that the Lord your God may bless you in all the work of your hands. When you beat the olives from your trees, do not go over the branches a second time. Leave what remains for the foreigner, the fatherless and the widow. When you harvest the grapes in your vineyard Do not go over the vines again. Leave what remains for the foreigner, the fatherless and the widow. REMEMBER that you were slaves in Egypt. That is why I command you to do this.
(Emphasis mine...also, when God chooses to repeat something, I don't think it is an accident. I remember...that is why God is commanding me to do this.)
At 19, "until" wasn't something I knew anything about. I wasn't prepared for sick days, or insurance rate increases. I didn't understand that utility bills fluctuated and you actually had to BUY salt. I was feeling so grown up...until.
My "until" wasn't something that was catastrophic. It was the small expenses of everyday living that creeped in and stole every last penny I had. I know, because I knew every penny I had. I never misplaced money, left it in the car or in the cushions of the couch. So, when I was out of money, I was completely out of money.
I remember that I was about a week away from my next pay check. Bills needed to be paid, I had very little gas and I had even less in the refrigerator. I was too far away to afford to go home to my mom's house to eat every night, so I had to make a plan. I collected every recyclable I could find in the area and I recycled. I earned about $60 and that got me through until pay day.
It would be great to say that was the end of my money worries, but unfortunately, that was just part of a very long road to understanding finances.
Now, years later, we were talking with friends as they were getting ready to move from the shelter into a rental. They had nothing and we were able to help with a few things and we were able to find others who were also in a position to help. They were speechless, constantly saying that they would "remember us" when they got back on their feet and they would "pay us back" when they had the money.
I told them my story. Reminding them that no matter where we are in life, whether it is in a place of very little or a place of abundance, it isn't permanent. Only God provides and from His provisions we share. God said to us, "If you have two coats, give one away," he said. "Do the same with your food." Luke 3:11
And remembering my own story helps my heart be ready for their story. God designed it that way. Through my journey, I can encourage. Through my fear and His faithfulness, I can show His goodness. Through His provision, I can share His glory.
Deuteronomy 24:17 - 22 says: Do not deprive the foreigner of fatherless of justice, or take the cloak of a widow as a pledge. REMEMBER that you were slaves in Egypt and the Lord your God redeemed you from there. That is why I command you to do this. When you are harvesting in your field and you overlook a sheaf, do not go back and get it. Leave it for the foreigner, the fatherless and the widow so that the Lord your God may bless you in all the work of your hands. When you beat the olives from your trees, do not go over the branches a second time. Leave what remains for the foreigner, the fatherless and the widow. When you harvest the grapes in your vineyard Do not go over the vines again. Leave what remains for the foreigner, the fatherless and the widow. REMEMBER that you were slaves in Egypt. That is why I command you to do this.
(Emphasis mine...also, when God chooses to repeat something, I don't think it is an accident. I remember...that is why God is commanding me to do this.)
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