Going Forward in His Name

Linny, at A Place Called Simplicity opened up a link for her wonderful Memorial Box Monday posts.  I love these encouraging posts and I love that it reminds me to remember all of the miracles God provides for us on a regular basis!

A couple of posts ago, I mentioned that God had been with me through a time of change and He showed Himself clearly.  Well, here is the rest of that story!

Two things were bothering me:  1.  I was concerned about how to educate my special needs daughter at home.  She has a lot to still go through and she had a really rough past, so bringing her home seemed like it would give her the nurture and love that she so needed, but I felt ill-equipped.  God answered that right away with a conference in FL that was specifically structured to her needs.  But (2.) I live 3,000 miles from that conference.  So, Ok Lord, now what?

Here's what:  I very much felt it was the Lord who showed me that conference and I felt that I should go.  This is very contrary to my natural behavior.  I had a nanny who helped us on a regular basis, but she was changing jobs at exactly that time and was completely unavailable.  I felt like going was impossible, but since I thought it was the Lord's leading, I went ahead and purchased the tickets, paid for the hotel, and booked the flight.  Still, no baby sitter for my 5 kids and 4 dogs.  I remembered, though.  God sometimes wants us to go forward even before we know how it will "all work out."  I just trusted that it would.

The time kept getting closer and closer.  I was a little nervous.  Kevin surprised me with an invitation to a late lunch one day and I accepted.  We had been discussing the situation, but neither of us had a solution yet.  As we entered the restaurant, I was praying.  I asked God, "Maybe the waitress needs more hours."  As the prayer entered my head and heart, I thought I must be desperate and felt very silly. I do that sometimes and I think God thinks I am silly.  (I hope so!)  Anyway, if you read the post before, you will remember that our waitress recognized me and I remembered her from when she was younger.  (I didn't know she worked there and I hadn't seen her in about 4ish years.  I knew her when she was a young teen and I knew her family.  I could never have anticipated seeing her there, though! - not even the same town!!!)  We got to chatting and I (of course) asked her if she might be interested in child care.  I couldn't talk to her long because she was busy, but a few days later, she came to our home, met our kids and our dogs and they all loved her!  (of course) and she agreed to stay with them while we went to the conference!  The kids had a great time with her while we were gone and she has now agreed to be our new nanny! 

So, just incase you need a recap:  God provided a conference full of the information I needed RIGHT when I needed it and then He provided help exactly in the silly way I had been praying.  He could have done this in so many ways (in fact, I had almost called this sweet girl's mom that morning, but couldn't get to it.)  I fully believe that He provided in this way so that it is clear that it was HIS doing.

Over and over again in John and many other books of the Bible, Jesus calls us to ask in His name so that the FATHER can be glorified.  John 14:13  "And I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Father may be glorified in the Son."

Happy Thanksgiving!

Happy Thanksgiving from Our Home to YOURS!!!

 

Katie and I assembling food to take to my sister's house (Still in my jammies)

Tony and Mari play while we get the food ready

Emilio watches Buddy the Elf (only Christmas movie I allow year-round!)

Anyone else have  someone who just doesn't do well with Holidays?  Holidays are very tough for some adopted and foster kids, loss is real!  This is pretty much how are "Special needs" daughter feels on special occasions.

This little "preemie" has grown up!  His 2nd birthday was the day before Thanksgiving!  One of the things I am most thankful for is that his parents are HEALTHY and that they continue to share him with us!  (Our .5 baby)

Oldest is willing to make numerous trips to my sister's house with the "stuff"
 

Dad and daughter carved the ham (Sis made the turkey)

Sister house.  I cook, she cleaned and set the table.



This China was passed down to me from my grandmother Helen...unbeknownst to us, Kevin's grandmother (Also named Helen) passed her china to us as well.  The crazy part?  SAME PATTERN!  And...I love love love it!  I have never seen anything I like better.  Thankful for those who have gone before!

Sister's kitchen.  Tons of food!



yummy



Mari is so. Stinkin'. cute!

Kids eat first.  Mari and Alondra wait patiently. 

Katie was so much help.  Emilio is ALWAYS this silly

This takes the idea of a "kids" table even lower.  Littlest eat at the coffee table.  My sister starts Christmas very early

"Kids table"  I am not a fan of 2 tables, but my sister loves organization and one big table stretched across her house would freak her out

 

In a Way That We Know it is Him!

I haven't posted in a while.  I have been busy.  But what I really have been doing is forgetting.

Forgetting to let God take control. 
Forgetting that HE knows what I need.
Forgetting to ask and WAIT.

Does God ever crack you up?  I mean seriously.  I asked God, really asked, to see more of Him.  I felt "lonely" for Him.  I have seen Him working lately, and I feel His presence, but I haven't had any personal accounts and I missed it.  God reminded me that it was because I was so busy taking care of my own stuff that I forgot to involve Him.  Let's just say this is not a good plan!

So, I went to God and asked.  Then, I picked up my Bible and remembered to LOOK for Him.  Then, He did it!  Answers started pouring in.  And the last one, that's one to watch.  That one is the one that cracked me up.  But it is last,  I have to list the others first.

First:  We have been praying for a young run-away addict who was living with her dealer.  I had an opportunity to minister to her for a short time and she still made the decision to go.  I was heartbroken and when I lost communication, I believed that the worst had probably happened.  My only hope was that she had made a decision for Christ at one point and I couldn't believe He would ever let her go.  She is just a kid!  I learned that she was in a new home and at church!  YESTERDAY!  God is sooooo good to bring her through that!  God reminded me that I don't get to know what "too far gone" looks like.  There is ALWAYS hope in Him!  Praise the Lord!

Then:  I have a very delayed adopted daughter who is struggling with everything from grief and loss to adjusting.  She also has psychiatric needs that complicate her processing.  She has only been in our home for a year and a half and she is 15.  I decided to change the way we are tackling her school.  I desperately was in search of information and when I finally let go of the late-night crazy pursuit, an email came across my desktop with a conference that looks like it is designed to meet my needs and questions!  God is soooooo Good!  Now, I just have to get there.  But!  I have no doubt that it will happen.

But!  Next and Last:  We have a nanny who the kids love and who would be willing to stay with the kids while I am gone at the conference except that she is changing jobs right at the time the conference is on.  I don't blame her.  She has a college degree and a heart for children.  She will do great things, but, that left me without someone at a time when I really need someone.  So I prayed.  Today.  I asked God to bring to mind someone I am not thinking of, someone that He has for our family.  I went to lunch with my hubby and as we walked into the restaurant, I prayed that if there is a waitress that might want some extra hours please bring her to our attention.  Then, I laughed at myself because I thought I must be desperate to try to recruit just anyone, even the waitress.  I laughed out loud when our waitress looked down at me and said, "Wait, I know you!"  And she did!!!  I had known her and her family since she was young, but I hadn't seen them since she was a teen.  They are wonderful people and I really like this girl.  I brought it up with her right then and there.  And I followed with a phone call.  I cannot guarantee she will say yes, but I know God wanted me to ask!  And to make this part even more funny, I accidentally came across her mom's phone number today while looking for the phone number of a previous babysitter who might be able to help.  Remember, this is someone I haven't talked to in  long time!  How great is it that God would put on my heart to pray for a waitress when there was NO reason I should expect to see someone I know.  Different town, bigger town.  So fun.  I love that God not only answers prayers, but He answers them in a way that we cannot deny it is Him!  Awesome.  Thank you God.

My verse for today is:  Be still and know that I am God.  Psalm 46:10

When Nurture battles Nature

Every adoption book I have read, indicates that if you want to adopt internationally or interracially, you must must must be prepared to nurture the culture of your adopted child.  I have also heard the ugly term "white washing" referring to Caucasian families who adopt other-than-Caucasian children.  It was a term trumped by opponents of interracial adoptions.

As we were preparing to adopt our first two children, we agreed wholeheartedly that nurturing their culture would be a priority for us.  It still is, but the daily routine wins more often than not.  However, it was the adoption of our daughter that brought this topic from determined decision to a question of concern. 

Because she was so much older when her adoption took place, we felt that immersing her in her "own" culture as often as possible was the best thing we could do.  We were thankful that our church had a Spanish ministry and population.  We tried to find culturally relevant TV, recipes, and activities.  It was after a number of Sundays in the Spanish ministry that I was noticing a pattern of dissatisfaction and disunity with my daughter.  She had become increasingly distant after each Sunday and she was very difficult to get along with.  She would come home after those Sundays and be defiant and quarrelsome.  She would argue with her siblings over very petty matters.  I began watching her and listening carefully to what she was saying.  She would say, "wow, these people really like me here."  And, "They really do care about me."  I realized that she wasn't saying those things because she was feeling God's presence, she was shopping...for a family.  She came to a church and like a good church should, they made her feel the love of Christ.  She mistook that for the love of a family.  She saw many ideal families and was ready to become part of one!  I also started to notice that she was clinging to other things of her culture, not because she loved those things, but that they were the piece of her that was only her.  It was the thing that bound her to her biological siblings and parents and it was the one thing that we cannot completely give her. 

Today, being Cinco De Mayo, we faced this conundrum again.  She was very animated and checked out culturally relevant books at the library, started making grand plans for décor, and started requesting a menu.  I finally looked at her and said, "we are not going to celebrate this year."  I felt like I burst her bubble.  I then followed it up with, "I think you have done a great job connecting with your heritage, but I think it is now time to connect with the part of you that we share."  She is in a very rebellious phase right now, so I am pretty sure that only pushed her deeper in the heritage abyss. 

And now we have reached my question:  When is it OK to pull the plug on the cultural preservation in order to build a family culture?  Is it ever OK to ignore your child's heritage in order to bring a family together in unity?  Our daughter was older when she was adopted (14) and I feel the clock ticking on my opportunities to bond with her.  I am definitely feeling the need to set aside the cultivation of her individual identity to draw her into a culture of family - a concept completely foreign to her.  I don't want to give those people who come up with those ugly terms any ground for their arguments against interracial adoptions, but I want to nurture the one thing that she will count on for the rest of her life, her family.

When to Care

His name is Jonathon.  He is a beautiful little man with the most amazing expression.  He is 6, but he isn't speaking, yet.  I found his picture on one of the websites and I fell in love.  Instantly.  I have yet to figure out why God has placed in my heart this little man, but he is there in every beat.

I talked about him.  Prayed about him.  Tried to inquire about him. 

The excuses flood. 

What if I can't do it all.  I am tired.  We still have J.

What about when he gets older. 

I say:  What I am really worried about is that some day we will die.  He says:  That will happen either way.  We will die.  He will live.  We can care for him in the mean time, if that is what we are supposed to do.

The truth:  What I am really concerned about is that I will care.  I will not be able to care for him one day and I will CARE.  That demonstrates the belief that if I don't look into his adoption, if I don't take him as my OWN child, that I won't care.

But, isn't that the our nature?  We care the most about the people closest to us.  We care about our parents, our siblings, our spouse and our children.  But we can see page after page of orphans, the homeless, the hurting and not really give it much more than a moments notice.  And we are NOT BAD PEOPLE.  We actually do care that people are hurting, but what can we do?  We are easily overwhelmed and easily distracted.  Why focus on those we "can't" help?  Why take time to let one of those people capture our hearts and our attention. 

My truth for today is that Jonathon is mine.  If I am able to bring him home or not, I take responsibility for caring about him.  If God can care about each hair on my head, I can care about one more little person.  This verse reminds me of my value and Jonathon's.

Are not two sparrows sold for a penny?  Yet not one of them will fall to the ground outside your Father's care.  And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered.  So don't be afraid; you are worth more than sparrows.  Matthew 10: 29-31

The Wait

Tickling mud squishes through mesh of my tennies. Hands stained black from the dirt.  The smell of insecticide, herbicide, and mulch hang on every part of me.  I stand back and see and it is good.  I am excited to see the sprouting landscape and I remember that Jesus often used parables that referred to farming - I understand.  There is something magical about creating beauty from nothing or bringing imagination to life.  It has to be carefully planned, prepared, and tended.  Then comes the wait.  It seems like a life time before maturity happens and a wonder is revealed. 

The most amazing part of today was that I had help with the kids and the housework.  My friend came to play with the kids while I worked in the yard.  She made a yummy banana bread and the smell pushed it's way through the door far before it was done cooking.  I peeked in and she kicked me out.  I stuck in the test stick and it came back sticky, mocking my impatience.  Just like the yard, it wasn't done.  It wasn't ready.

God and I have been chatting a lot lately about changes and difficulties I see my kids face.  I give advice, wait, and hope to see change.  But sometimes, there is nothing.  No change.  I go back, give advice, and wait...but still, nothing.  I go to God asking for help.  He asks me to wait.  Recently, I have been crying out to Him.  PLEASE help these changes come about!  And he showed me an example of times that I need to wait.  And, just like He often does with me, after giving me that message, He gives me an example.  Just like I have to wait to see that landscape grow, I need to wait to eat that bread, I also need to wait to see that change.  He didn't promise that the change will come, He didn't promise that things will turn out the way I hope, but He did show me that change takes time.  It might even go through some ugly phases. 

I wouldn't go to my sprouting plant and become angry that it isn't producing fruit or shade, I also shouldn't go to my child and be angry that she isn't mature. I wouldn't yell at that loaf of bread for not being ready, I also shouldn't yell at my child for not being mature.  It would be ridiculous to rip out that seedling and throw it away.  I would lose any possibility of fruit and I would lose the ability to at least have the seed.  It would also be ridiculous to take that dough out of the oven and throw it into the garbage can because it wasn't ready.  I would lose the possibility of baked bread and the ingredients that went into the bread.  So many people are quick to throw other people away.  What loss would you face?  What potential loss? 

If You're Asked to Pray - Please Pray!

This is a blatant plee.  I will not come to you bashfully or manipulatively.  I boldly come in the name of the Lord and ask.  Please pray.  Your involvement in the Kingdom of God is beyond your comprehension.  It is more than you will ever imagine.  As Nike says, "Just Do It!"

Here's a story:

Anxious, hiding, losing myself in fiction - a novel.  Soaking in a tub until 3 in the morning.  Trying to set aside my thoughts and concerns enough to go to bed and sleep.  It wasn't insomnia exactly, but it was a restlessness that needed its own time.  So many pressures, concerns, worries that were not mine to hold.  The late night decision was reached.  There would be no Church in the morning.  Even as the decision was made, my heart knew that it was more urgent than ever to get to God.  Get to Church, worship and turn to Him.  And yet, of course, the enemy had me in his grips and was placating me with ideas of rest and relaxation along with completed chores.

I woke at 7 and promptly returned to sleep.  When I woke again, it was 10.  To be at church on time, we need to leave by 10:15.  I have 5 kids to get ready, car seats to move to the big van and I was just waking up.  It seemed that my decision was made.  I sat on the couch for a few minutes, but I was so restless.  Finally, I said, "Let's go to the other one.  The one that starts at 11:30. We have 45 minutes, do you think we can make it?" 

I got in the car, on time, and was turning the volume off on my phone.  I saw a missed text from a friend who said that I was on her heart this morning and that she was praying for me.  The enemy was defeated with that prayer.  We went to church and worshiped.  The message taught about returning to God as the believers in Acts did.  Waiting, praying, focusing on Him, participating with other believers, expecting Him to show up.  The message was exactly what I needed to hear.  If I spend time worshiping, I have a lot less time to worry about my problems. 

This was not a battle that would have been known by anyone but me, but the battle was real and it was won.  If you are ever urged to pray for someone, please do it.  You, and even they, may never know why but the battle ground is on your knees and that is where the victory is won.  I know there was a great rejoicing in Heaven today as our family joined to worship the ONE who is everything and can make all things work together for our good.

To Join, Not Fix

In all of his 17years of wisdom, Bob Goff decided to leave school and become a mountain climber in Yosemite National Park, according to his book titled Love Does.  His new friend decided to go with him, unquestioned, unchallenged.  He went.  His friend was a lot older and wiser (well, not a lot maybe, but at least some.  He knew enough to know it wasn't the best plan.)  The friend also probably knew enough not to argue with the extreme wisdom of a 17 year old bent on a purpose.  So they went. 

The beginning of the chapter has the words, "I used to want to fix people, but now I just want to be with them."

We research late into the night.  Wondering if she can ever be fixed.  If her specific problems carry a diagnosis.  If medication can help.  We know that her struggles will only ever be understood by her and we may never see progress.  Was it wise to proceed anyway?  Was the adoption of a very broken little girl a good idea?  As the questions about her challenges grow, the questions about her worth bombard us.  So many ask if we shouldn't have taken in someone we could have helped instead of the child that God placed in our family. What if she can never be fixed?

As He went along, He saw a man blind from birth.  His disciples asked him, "Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?"

"Neither this man nor his parents sinned," said Jesus, "but this happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his life..."  John 9:1-3

The chapter of this fantastic book could be written just for adopting parents.  We do not go into adoption to fix a child, but to come along side, to 'just be with them.'"