The Wait

Tickling mud squishes through mesh of my tennies. Hands stained black from the dirt.  The smell of insecticide, herbicide, and mulch hang on every part of me.  I stand back and see and it is good.  I am excited to see the sprouting landscape and I remember that Jesus often used parables that referred to farming - I understand.  There is something magical about creating beauty from nothing or bringing imagination to life.  It has to be carefully planned, prepared, and tended.  Then comes the wait.  It seems like a life time before maturity happens and a wonder is revealed. 

The most amazing part of today was that I had help with the kids and the housework.  My friend came to play with the kids while I worked in the yard.  She made a yummy banana bread and the smell pushed it's way through the door far before it was done cooking.  I peeked in and she kicked me out.  I stuck in the test stick and it came back sticky, mocking my impatience.  Just like the yard, it wasn't done.  It wasn't ready.

God and I have been chatting a lot lately about changes and difficulties I see my kids face.  I give advice, wait, and hope to see change.  But sometimes, there is nothing.  No change.  I go back, give advice, and wait...but still, nothing.  I go to God asking for help.  He asks me to wait.  Recently, I have been crying out to Him.  PLEASE help these changes come about!  And he showed me an example of times that I need to wait.  And, just like He often does with me, after giving me that message, He gives me an example.  Just like I have to wait to see that landscape grow, I need to wait to eat that bread, I also need to wait to see that change.  He didn't promise that the change will come, He didn't promise that things will turn out the way I hope, but He did show me that change takes time.  It might even go through some ugly phases. 

I wouldn't go to my sprouting plant and become angry that it isn't producing fruit or shade, I also shouldn't go to my child and be angry that she isn't mature. I wouldn't yell at that loaf of bread for not being ready, I also shouldn't yell at my child for not being mature.  It would be ridiculous to rip out that seedling and throw it away.  I would lose any possibility of fruit and I would lose the ability to at least have the seed.  It would also be ridiculous to take that dough out of the oven and throw it into the garbage can because it wasn't ready.  I would lose the possibility of baked bread and the ingredients that went into the bread.  So many people are quick to throw other people away.  What loss would you face?  What potential loss? 

If You're Asked to Pray - Please Pray!

This is a blatant plee.  I will not come to you bashfully or manipulatively.  I boldly come in the name of the Lord and ask.  Please pray.  Your involvement in the Kingdom of God is beyond your comprehension.  It is more than you will ever imagine.  As Nike says, "Just Do It!"

Here's a story:

Anxious, hiding, losing myself in fiction - a novel.  Soaking in a tub until 3 in the morning.  Trying to set aside my thoughts and concerns enough to go to bed and sleep.  It wasn't insomnia exactly, but it was a restlessness that needed its own time.  So many pressures, concerns, worries that were not mine to hold.  The late night decision was reached.  There would be no Church in the morning.  Even as the decision was made, my heart knew that it was more urgent than ever to get to God.  Get to Church, worship and turn to Him.  And yet, of course, the enemy had me in his grips and was placating me with ideas of rest and relaxation along with completed chores.

I woke at 7 and promptly returned to sleep.  When I woke again, it was 10.  To be at church on time, we need to leave by 10:15.  I have 5 kids to get ready, car seats to move to the big van and I was just waking up.  It seemed that my decision was made.  I sat on the couch for a few minutes, but I was so restless.  Finally, I said, "Let's go to the other one.  The one that starts at 11:30. We have 45 minutes, do you think we can make it?" 

I got in the car, on time, and was turning the volume off on my phone.  I saw a missed text from a friend who said that I was on her heart this morning and that she was praying for me.  The enemy was defeated with that prayer.  We went to church and worshiped.  The message taught about returning to God as the believers in Acts did.  Waiting, praying, focusing on Him, participating with other believers, expecting Him to show up.  The message was exactly what I needed to hear.  If I spend time worshiping, I have a lot less time to worry about my problems. 

This was not a battle that would have been known by anyone but me, but the battle was real and it was won.  If you are ever urged to pray for someone, please do it.  You, and even they, may never know why but the battle ground is on your knees and that is where the victory is won.  I know there was a great rejoicing in Heaven today as our family joined to worship the ONE who is everything and can make all things work together for our good.

To Join, Not Fix

In all of his 17years of wisdom, Bob Goff decided to leave school and become a mountain climber in Yosemite National Park, according to his book titled Love Does.  His new friend decided to go with him, unquestioned, unchallenged.  He went.  His friend was a lot older and wiser (well, not a lot maybe, but at least some.  He knew enough to know it wasn't the best plan.)  The friend also probably knew enough not to argue with the extreme wisdom of a 17 year old bent on a purpose.  So they went. 

The beginning of the chapter has the words, "I used to want to fix people, but now I just want to be with them."

We research late into the night.  Wondering if she can ever be fixed.  If her specific problems carry a diagnosis.  If medication can help.  We know that her struggles will only ever be understood by her and we may never see progress.  Was it wise to proceed anyway?  Was the adoption of a very broken little girl a good idea?  As the questions about her challenges grow, the questions about her worth bombard us.  So many ask if we shouldn't have taken in someone we could have helped instead of the child that God placed in our family. What if she can never be fixed?

As He went along, He saw a man blind from birth.  His disciples asked him, "Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?"

"Neither this man nor his parents sinned," said Jesus, "but this happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his life..."  John 9:1-3

The chapter of this fantastic book could be written just for adopting parents.  We do not go into adoption to fix a child, but to come along side, to 'just be with them.'"

God will be our Guard

Basketball

Christmas

Shopping

Finals

Big projects due

Resources stretched too thin - Mine .  God's never fail!

It was probably about 6:15 tonight when we headed back out to "just one more stop" to wrap-up the first day of Christmas shopping.  It was also the first day of "Christmas planning," which is not usually the way I do things.  I.  Have. A. System...and this ain't it!

On my way out the door...literally, my son says, "Can you write me a note to get out of this assignment?"

No.

The argument centered around: when he knew about the assignment, when I knew about the assignment, etc...unfortunately, it was one in which I had to participate.  Unfortunately for him, it was due tomorrow and I was on my way out the door.

The English class read the book Under the Overpass.  It was an amazing and moving book.  The assignment was to do one of the 4 challenges that were listed at the end of the book.  There was really only one available tonight and that was to pick up a bag of take-out, buy something warm to drink and hang out with the homeless.  (It was 8:30 pm before we left the house to start this project.)

My hubby didn't love the idea of us traipsing all over town looking for a homeless person to bless at night in this particular city (well know for the high crime rate) but I assured him that I am friendly with a homeless lady who hangs out at the Walgrreens and we would just go find her.

We picked up some McDonald's and drove past the Walgreens...She wasn't there.  Probably good since she likes sweets, not burgers.  I know another guy I visit with occasionally outside of the grocery store, so we went there next.  Nope.  Gone.  Hmmm.  It was approaching 9 and I was nervous.  We found a group of 3 men, but we weren't comfortable approaching a group at night.  I knew of a couple of other spots, but it is a cold night so hopefully they had all found shelter for the evening. 

At this point, I was ready to call it a day.  It wasn't a good idea to be unsafe (for us or for a person we would approach).  And this is where God knew.  We drove by one more place and we saw a man pushing a cart walking with a security guard.  I told my kids (the 2 oldest went) to jump out, offer the food and then we will go if we were interrupting something.  We found that the security guard was just escorting the man because the police harass him.  We were able to talk to him for a long time about how he became homeless, about how he eats, sleeps, and gets money.  He was very kind and had a tragic history.  The security guard was a nice person too and we all had a nice talk.  We were blessed to know him and his name is Jerry.  We plan to go back and meet him again, maybe bring him a sandwich next time.

I am so in love with the God I serve.  I fully and totally believe we were supposed to be right where we were tonight.  In all honesty, we wouldn't have had to "do" this assignment.  We have had many opportunities to interact with the homeless and he could have written the assignment based on one of those experiences.  Thankfully, we took the opportunity so that we were allowed a blessing.  The only "worry" was that it might not be super safe to approach a homeless person at night, but how about if God provides a security guard for an escort!!!  Just a thought, though.  We had to FIRST agree to take the risk.  Before we knew that we would be completely safe, we had to commit by getting in the car, and commit by purchasing food THEN God revealed HIS part of the provision.  (I need to remember that!)

There is nothing God won't do.  No problem is too big if we step out in faith and follow His example.  I know we were safe without the guard.  But, isn't it just like God to provide that person for us to give us a physical example of HIS protection!  It is the relation with Jesus that protects, not the location of your body.

Isaiah 52:12b "...For the Lord will go before you, the God of Israel will be your rear guard."

Who Deserves the Son?

Grocery bags spill to the ground as I grab one too many on my way into the house.  The wind is freezing and I shiver and try to get the key into the lock and hair whips into my eyes.  The first load is in.  This chore has to be done more often.  More mouths eat more food more quickly.  I return for the final load, shivering in my thin t-shirt.  As I open the car door again, I feel warmth, almost heat.  Warm enough that I stop and look up, realizing that the intensity of the sun's rays are being reflected, magnified, and focused by my son's window.  It was captivating.  I stood there for a full minute, eyes closed, face raised.  The walkers at the park must of though I was crazy or at least lost.  Could they think I was praying?  

They would be right.  I delighted in Him.  Stopping at that moment to give praise to the Son who meets all my needs. The Son who brought me God's love.  And I asked.  Do I reflect, magnify, and focus God's love to someone who is shivering in the wind with groceries rolling down to the gutter and wind whipping hair into eyes?  Do I reflect the love God has shown me with his Son to the person who couldn't buy warm shoes or a coat?  Do I magnify the love given to me so that when people come in contact with me, they pause and feel warm?  Do I focus God's love by sharing about the God who loved me first?

I can say yes, to some.  But!  What about those who I believe are a lost cause.  What about those who don't "deserve" a "hand-out."  What about those who are ungrateful, and very self-centered.  What if I know that no matter what I do, the outcome will still be the same.  What if that person has repeated the same behavior and I know I will only become part of their mess if I step in?  Does God want me to waste my time? 

That ray of light.  It would have been there if I didn't notice it.  It would have warmed the sidewalk or the door of the car.  It would shine even without any obvious benefit   This is something I struggle to understand.  Why?  Why waste energy on something that has no clear outcome?  I have not found an answer to this in an earthly sense, but I have run across a verse after praying. I shared the verse and my husband "ended up" on the same verse after also praying.  As God so often does, He placed His word in our hearts so that we would know His heart and then confirmed it.  Being obedient to God is the benefit.  Our heart's desire to say, "yes" is all that we really need.  If there is an earthly blessing, it is only because we honored Him, reflecting, magnifying, and focusing His love in a world that is cold and frustrating.  What would we gain if we do what is right because we can see a need that we have the ability to meet?  How much better is it to look to God for the purpose and the outcome, even if we can't see a change right away or even ever? Knowing that we can use it to build our faith and that we are not acting in our own power and authority but trusting Him with every action we take and every result that follows.  It is easy to say yes when we know we can help, it is hard to say yes when we know we can't.  It is then, that we enter in anyway and trust Him for the reward, for the outcome and for the purpose.  Only then, can we really say that the task was from Him and only to Him is the Glory given.

Luke 14:12 -14  Then Jesus said to His host, "When you give a luncheon or dinner, do not invite your friends, your brothers or sisters, your relatives, or your rich neighbors; if you do, they may invite you back and so you will be repaid.  But when you give a banquet, invite the poor, the crippled, the lame, the blind, and you will be blessed.  Although they cannot repay you, you will be repaid at the resurrection of the righteous."

This is the Stuff

In my exhaustion, I have accumulated.  The piles abound in my home, the work beckons.  "Sort, store, pass, keep."  It is all consuming.  In such a short time, the house is over-run with excess.  How did we get to this?

I am reminded of Ecclesiastes.  One of my most and least favorite books God has written.  It can comfort me when I am overwhelmed, but depress me when I am chasing after a plan.  

Chaos brings more chaos and stuff means more stuff.  A new dress for the teens means new shoes that match.  A new season means long pants.  Do we have Oregano in the cabinet?  It isn't organized and I can't find it.  Sorting, organizing, making systems.  SIMPLIFYING!  

This is a season of chaos and loss.  Recently gone:  Sunglasses, $20, a book...

Still, I praise Him.  The one who knows what the loss means.  Is it a blessing that the book is gone? Now I can spend more time in His Word?  Was the $20 found by someone who needed it more?  I will never know.  I may never know what He has planned for me through this.  The lesson could be as simple as "simplify."  

Consider what God has done:  Who can straighten what He has mad crooked?  When times are good, be happy; but when times are bad, consider this:  God has made the one as well as the other.  Therefore, no one can discover anything about their future.  Ecclesiastes 7:13 - 14

Francesca Battistelli said it best, "This is the stuff that drives me crazy!...but I've gotta trust You know exactly what your doin'..."

A City Which I Did Not Build

Mounting frustrations pile up like the laundry on my bed.  When all I want to do is crawl back under the covers, I realize one more person needs something from me.  Right.  Now.

 Another coffee cup half full?  The Raisin Bran stuck to the side of the bowl.  The clean laundry dumped over onto the dog's bed.  Is that the cheese sitting on the counter?

"Isn't this what you wanted.  A big family means a lot of work."  "At least you have a lot of helpers with all those big kids."

AAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!  I want to ask Paul, "How!?!  How have you learned peace in every circumstance!"  But, I know.  I know that the peace I am looking for is right there.  In the middle of a thoughtless comment (or 4), in the middle of scraping food from a plate, even in the middle of rewashing a load of laundry, again.  The peace comes from removing my selfishness and bringing in Him.  Only remembering His frustrations and sacrifice, can I stop feeling sorry for myself.

I did want a large family and I knew that there was a lot of work involved.  I even knew that that I would have additional challenges because of the way God gave me my family.

When I stop to recognize what is really happening, I see that I feel like I am "being taken advantage of..." or "They should be old enough to help out..."  But, what I am really saying is that I should have it easy even when Jesus said to expect people to treat us poorly.  He said to "turn the other cheek."  He gave us the perfect example on the cross as they were beating Him, He asked for their forgiveness.  Why?  Because He knew.  He knew that what they needed was His GRACE.  His mercy and His understanding.  He knew that He would suffer so that we could live.

By comparison, my complaints are petty.  It is in my weakness and sin that I focus on what ISN'T happening instead of what IS happening.  Prayerfully, I bring my problems to the Lord.  He shows me His goodness by showing me where I can make a correction.  He shared the verses from Luke about loving your enemies, blessing those who curse you.  He did it like He often does:  Through a friend.  He showed me that true healing is happening because I have half-full coffee cups, Raisin Bran stuck to the bowl, and cheese on the counter.  In my mess, He is creating beauty.

And then, today at church it was clear.  Where my sin truly lies.  I can only be taken advantage of if I have something to take.  If my resources feel stretched too thin, it is only because I am only trusting in my own resources.  Surely, I have learned by now that where my resources end, God's are only just beginning!  I had to confess my sin when God brought these verses to me, reminding me that I have earned NOTHING.  Everything I have is from the Lord.

Joshua 24:13  So I gave you a land on which you did not toil; and cities you did not build; and you live in them and eat from vineyards and olive groves that you did not plant.

Help me remember.  I live in a house I did not build, in a land I did not create.  I eat food that I did not grow and care for children I did not bear.  I have no right to ask for more and yet everyday there is a new blessing that comes along with the struggles.  I know there is nothing I can really give, yet I have been given so much. Let me be Thankful.