Loaves and Fishes and 3 Staples Boxes

1200 square feet, 6 people, 3 dogs, 1 homeschool, 1 dad who works from home...the house gets a little crowded sometimes.  I have been purging.  First the yard sale at church to raise money for the adoption ministry, second the yard sale at a friends to raise money for Amazima ministry.  Finally, I thought I was done.

Since Leah, her daughter, Katie (my daughter) and I are traveling soon to help with a fund raiser for Amazima ministry, we thought it would be nice if we could bring a gift.  The first fund-raising yard sale was a success, so I wanted to do it again.  I cleaned out what was left of my house and could only come up with 2 boxes of "stuff."  We have really gotten down to only owning stuff we are using now, nothing extra (or very little extra) and even that still fills this little house quickly.  I rummaged through the pantry, the cupboards, and closets and found enough to fill a third box.  I told Leah, "I don't really think I have enough stuff for another yard sale, but I will see if any of my friends have anything to donate."  I put the message out on Facebook.

I cleared a corner of my living room since our garage has the car, the drum set, and the bikes...too full for yard sale stuff...and put my 3 boxes there.  A few days before the scheduled sale, 3 people with pick-up trucks full of stuff came and dropped their stuff off.  (My living room was getting a little full.  We could no longer walk freely through it!)  I packed things in as tightly as I could.  THEN!  I got a call from my oldest son who was on a walk.  He had found a "free" dresser that was in good condition.  It had a broken drawer, but otherwise, it was nice.  Kevin and David fixed the drawer and we added that to the living room pile.  We had another call, and the stuff now had to be piled on the front porch.

My friend asked if I had put an ad in the paper, and I said no because I was worried about wasting the money since I didn't know how much we would earn.  I was really worried the morning of the yard sale that I had made a big mistake by not putting in the ad.  I had put it on Craigslist, but not the paper.  My fears were relieved when at 6:30 am we had a line of people waiting. 

The stuff was selling even as I was unpacking it.  It sold before I had even seen it or knew what it was.  We raised about 600 dollars!  The free dresser sold for $25! 

I was contemplating how sometimes we work so hard, pinch every penny and it still doesn't seem like enough.  I was reading in Haggai and came across this verse:  You expected much, but see, it turned out to be little.  What you brought home, I blew away.  Why?" declares the Lord Almighty.  "Because of my house, which remains a ruin, while each of you is busy with his own house."  (Vs. 1:9)  I see that as we focus on ourselves, we only earn what we "control" - which is nothing.  Sometimes we might have a blessing, but really, without focusing on the eternal it is garbage.  I have had yard sales before that made very little money.

I had 3 boxes (small.  Staples boxes.)  We made $600!  I have to think, God was in this.  This was for His kingdom.  This was for His house!  It reminded so much of the "Loaves and Fishes" story in John. Another of his disciples, Andrew, Simon Peter's brother, spoke up, "Here is a boy with five small barley loaves and two small fish, but how far will they go among so many?" Jesus said, "Have the people sit down." There was plenty of grass in that place, and the men sat down, about five thousand of them. Jesus then took the loaves, gave thanks, and distributed to those who were seated as much as they wanted. He did the same with the fish. When they had all had enough to eat, he said to his disciples, "Gather the pieces that are left over. Let nothing be wasted." So they gathered them and filled twelve baskets with the pieces of the five barley loaves left over by those who had eaten. (Vs 6:8-13)



When the yard sale was over, I still had some things to sell on Craigslist and enough to fill the back of my 15 passenger van to give as a donation to a homeless shelter in town.  God used those 3 boxes, multiplied them through the generosity of others and allowed us to have a substantial gift for the ministry and have a van full of blessings left over!  Our God is sooo good.




God, You choose to bless us even though we don't deserve it.  You allow us to work for the good of those You love!  Thank you for the privilege of seeing Your miracles in action.  Help me obey You as a slave.  Let me "Offer myself to you  as a slave , I who am a slave to the one whom I obey - a slave to obedience, which leads to righteousness." (Romans 6:16)  Amen.

God Provides a Bouncy Birthday Wish!

It was Mari's Birthday and because she is turning 4, we didn't do a "big" party.  She was a bit disappointed because she had a list of things she thought all birthdays should have.  I let her pick out the important ones (within reason) and tried to make her day special.  I realized with my first two kids that having a big birthday party every year wasn't the wisest choice for us.  It was too time consuming, exhausting, and expensive.  Now the kids get a "big" party at 5, 10, 13, 16, 18 and 21.  Then they are on their own.  The other birthdays, they are allowed to have cake and presents with our immediate family and maybe a date with a friend.

Letting Mari choose her party supplies took an extreme practice of patience on my part.  I had to completely let go of my controlling nature.  Nothing matched, but she was happy.  I even did "goodie bags" for her cousins and siblings.  We decided to go to the park for cake and gifts since I had had a bad cold the week before.  I was still feeling run down.  All the way to the park, Mari was trying to make sense of what her party would be like.  The only thing she wanted that she didn't have was a "jumpy house."  I have never ordered one before, but I understand they can be expensive.  I had a little tiny bit of guilt about not doing more for her party, but I was determined that I was going to teach the kids to focus on the eternal things and not the material things of this earth that we get so carried away with.  I talked about how fun it was going to be just playing with her brothers, sister and cousins. 

I hadn't thought to reserve a place at the park since it was only us, but when we got there, the only table area near the play structure was reserved.  UG!  I had been praying about trying to be a better steward and had felt guilty about spending money on frivolous stuff.  When I saw that the area was reserved, I started to wonder if I shouldn't have tried to buy my way into a nice day by throwing the big party that most people expect.  I then remembered that God has been teaching me about considering what I do.  I have felt that I need to weigh each thing with the things that are eternal and I realized that a picnic style party would be just as good.  I am fighting against my consumerism training!   I told Kevin to wait in the car for just a min. while I asked someone in the group if they were using the whole area.

The area was very large and most of the people were at the first few tables.  I went up to a small group at the front and excused myself right into a conversation.  Who should be in that group, but the person in charge of the party.  It was a corporate party for Smile Office Supplies.  I had no idea at the time that I was talking to the person in charge, but I asked if we could use one of the tables.  She said yes because their party was just about over.  Not only that, but she said the kids were welcome to jump in the Jumpy-house that they had rented because the man was late picking it up!!! 

The kids played in that bounce house for about a half hour and then went to play on the park.  The man came a few minutes after that to pick it up!!  God is so good!!!  I was trying so hard to honor HIM and not spend needlessly.  I am so guilty of putting my kids wants first that I sometimes put them in front of God!  YIKES.  I never want to do that and I realized I needed to make this a simple party, but what does God do??? He sees the desire of my daughter's heart and honors her with the one things she wanted anyway. 

What an amazing blessing!!!  She had a great day.  The weather was perfect, She got the presents she wanted most of all and she even got the bounce house until she was tired of it!  What an awesome God we serve!

While I Wait on The Lord

As I have been reading through the books of the Prophets in the Old Testament, I have been asking God to show me what he has for me to learn.  He has been so amazingly faithful.

The latest lessons have been very helpful.  He has used his word and examples of Godly people in my life to teach me His ways. 

As I was reading through Zechariah, I came upon the verse:  'Not by might nor by power, but by my Spirit,' says the Lord Almighty..."Who despises the day of small things?..."  (Vs. 4:6b and 4:10a)  I was thinking about how I have to completely rely on God to allow me to participate in His will for my life.  He has set into motion the things that need to happen so that I can do the thing I so badly desire to do.  I worry about the small things, but He has them all in control.  I look on small things and think that nothing is happening, but I will see them all come together and be glad!  Waiting on the Lord is not my greatest strength.  Even though I acknowledge that the best blessings come when I wait and I can always see the beautiful wisdom in HIS timing verses mine.  But, truly relying on HIS strength is difficult.  I am so glad that I want to.  I am so glad that I am making it my goal.  I am so glad that through HIS power I can change and do it.

As an added blessing, I realize that God does have work for me to do while I wait on Him.  Praise God for work for my idle hands.  Thank God that I have occupation.  And I am so very grateful to our LORD who allows me to participate in His work.  Knowing that He doesn't need anything from me, but allows me to get a glimpse of His glory so that I can praise Him.  It is so exciting.  I can't explain it and there is nothing that compares to it.  If I heard it from someone else, I wouldn't believe it, but I live it so I know it and I LOVE it.  I continued reading in Zechariah and found these verses about being strong and doing the Lords work.  I think this is a great example to me that I am allowed to work!  Praise God that I don't just have to sit there.  It says, "let your hands be strong" in two places.  (Vs. 8:9 and 13)  I love that we are encouraged to work.  I know God makes us all unique for His purpose and I believe that although I know I am supposed to wait on Him, I also know that my propensity for excitement is ultimately for His glory.  I thank Him that I am so wonderfully made and that he makes provisions for that!

I continued reading Zechariah and I came to a question about whether or not the people of Bethel should mourn and fast. (Vs 7:2)  I have made a point of setting aside a regular time of prayer and fasting.  I found that those days were particularly hard.  I was thankful for it because it reminded me to seek God through the tough times so I was eager to hear how God answered these people.  God said "The fasts of the fourth, fifth, seventh and tenth months will become joyful and glad occasions and happy festivals for Judah."  (Vs. 8:19) I realized that my times of fasting were becoming very grumpy times for me.  I had also read a twitter of Katie Davis from Amazima Ministries.  One of her girls had complained to her in a cute way and her response was, "Does it get any better than this?"  I realized that if I viewed all the things that my kids did with that attitude, I would truly feel like the most blessed person in the world.  Because, really, does it get any better than this???  Many of the things that make me cranky are really adorable!  The very next time I fasted and prayed, my day was a blast simply because I remembered to think, "does it get any better than this?"  And you know what?  I'm not sure it does. 

Thank You God for the amazing ways You choose to teach me Your lessons.  Thank You that I get to work with toward Your will!  Thank You for teaching me to wait and for giving me something to do in the mean-time.  Thank You for the joy of my children because while I am here on this earth, "does it get any better than this?"  Amen!

13 Blessings

One of the reasons I am keeping this blog is that I want to remember and praise God for the good works He does in my life no matter how insignificant or great.  I want to remember to give HIM glory for the blessings and provisions.  I want to remember to teach my children to rely on HIM for their needs. 

Friday, I was excitedly making dinners for the weeks ahead, feeling like I was finally on track with being a good steward of my time and money.  Because I didn't properly prepare for the two weeks leading up to this day, we had been wasting a lot of money by eating out.  I made Pork Chops and a Chicken dish.  They both cook at the same temperature, but the pork chops have a shorter cook time.  I was preparing another meal when I heard a zzzttt sound.  When I turned around, I saw small flames in the back of the oven.  This happened to be my day of fasting, and when I saw the fire, my first thought was to get the kids out of the house and I worried because Mari was napping.  The very next thought I had was peace.  I knew it was going to be fine.  I turned off the oven and prayed that the smoke didn't ruin the food.  I waited until the fire was gone and then waited for the very small amount of smoke to clear, then I opened the oven door.  The Pork Chops were done!  The chicken wasn't done and I started to worry that I would have to throw it away.  Then, I remembered our gas barbeque.  I quickly called Kevin to make sure I didn't have to do anything to prevent the oven from catching on fire again and to ask about the best way to bake in the barbeque and then got to it.  About a half hour later, the chicken was done as well!  The barbeque worked amazingly.

I was so thankful that all my hard work was not wasted.  I had one more task at hand, though , and I had accidentally burned my finger pretty badly when I pulled the pan out of the barbeque.  Thankfully, at that moment, my mom stopped by and finished up for me.  I just had to cut some meat to get into the freezer before it spoiled, but that job would have been really painful to do with my burned finger. 

So, now I have a broken oven and a burned finger.  It doesn't sound great, but I was praising the Lord.  I was so excited that He would have this happen at this time!  Kevin and I had just been talking about what to do with the kitchen if we move.  It has worked well for us, but it wasn't exactly what most people would want, and if we left it how it was, it would have made the house less desirable as a rental property.  (Which is what we plan to do with it if we move.)  So, we knew we needed to do something.  The oven was (at one time) a double wall oven.  When we moved in, the upper oven was missing so we put a broken microwave there to fill in the space and we used it as storage for dry goods.  The lower oven was the oven we used.  Also, the range top has been broken for years and the back burner is really the only one that works well.  As I said, it worked for us, but not everyone would call this the ideal kitchen.

We spent much of Sat. looking for a new oven and a better way to arrange the space.  I really didn't want to go too long without an oven, but knew it wasn't too much of a rush because I just cooked a bunch of meals!  The trouble was that our oven seemed to be a weird size.  We measured, called, remeasured, had other people measure, looked at instruction manuals, etc.  Finally we came to the conclusion that we were going to have to rebuild the cabinet. (NOT something Kevin feels confident doing.)  We found double ovens on craigslist and then we were blessed to find double ovens AND a range top for a third of what new double ovens would cost!  We picked them up Sunday afternoon and Kevin had them installed by Sunday night.  The best part (like all that isn't good enough)?  They fit perfectly!  Absolutely perfectly.  (And no, they are not the same ovens - not even the same brand!!!)  What an amazing blessing!  I am so thankful that God just saw us perfectly through all of this.  The ovens look great, I LOVE having two ovens. (I feel so spoiled.) And they were super cheap!  The only bummer is that I have cooked all of our meals for the next week or so, so I have no reason to use them!!!  HA!  Only God!  I did dig out a package of brownie mix last night.  I just couldn't resist.

Let's count the blessings:
1.  Was fasting and praying
2.  Was trying to follow God's will in being a good steward of my resources
3.  The food was cooked
4.  The food that wasn't cooked was able to be cooked on the barbeque
5.  My mom stopped by just at the right time to help me finish
6.  The fire was uneventful
7.  The food didn't get ruined by the smoke at all.
8.  The answer to "what to do with this kitchen" was crystal clear.
9.  Due to the size of everything, including our kitchen, without a major remodel, there was only one option
10.  We were able to find the ovens for about 1/3 of what it would cost new plus we got a range as well!
11.  They fit perfectly - even though every measurement and cut-out guide said they wouldn't
12.  We were not in a hurry because food was already made.
13.  Kevin is able to install these things willingly.

Just a note...as I was "counting" these blessings, I realized that I came up with 13.  Funny, because all of this happened on Friday, August 13th.  I love to see the way God shows Himself in every little detail.  He is so good to me! A passage from Ezekiel, repeated over and over again:  Then they will know that I am the LORD.  36:38

Praise God!  You are the Lord.  You make it known, over and over again.  Thank you for providing the small and great blessings.  In Jesus' name I pray!  Amen!

The Desert

I was just thinking...

So many times, we say something like "This is just my time in the desert." or "I must be in the desert."  Usually, this is "Christian-ese" meaning, "I am in a bad spot" or a "waiting period."  It implies that it is a time when God is distant and we are waiting on HIM to act on our behalf.

As you know, I have been pondering the image of success and affluence lately.  I am thought a lot about what it means to have plenty, be blessed, etc...  I have realized that although we have an abundance of material possessions, we are impoverished spiritually. 

These two thoughts entered my mind today and even before today and have been mingling together in there like a stew.  If we say "...time in the desert" to mean that we are waiting or hurting, how does that fit in Biblically with the actual reference.

In Exodus, the Israelites were jammin' out of captivity.  God provided for them the Pillar of Fire by night and a Pillar of clouds by day.  Then, after a lot of whining, God provided food that they had to simply pick up and eat. 

I realize that wandering through the desert would be tough  I personally know how it feels to wait for the Lord to reveal something.  I also know now that in the desert, life wouldn't be comfortable.  How much better would it be to already be in the promise land, the land God had for them! 

But, when I think about it again, when I am too comfortable, I may not "see" the pillar of clouds by day or the pillar of fire by night.  I rely on myself to get food instead of looking to God as the provider.  How easy it becomes to be self-reliant.  I realize again that I am living in spiritual poverty.  How much better would it be to give up the physical comforts to have God's daily presence!  To actually SEE HIM!  To be fed by HIS hand!  To daily experience the miracles He chose to perform.  And yet, they complained.  I know I would have too.  I already do and I have so much.  It seems impossible, but it is true. 

I realize that some people are referring to the time after the rebellion (Numbers 14) when the Israelites are in big trouble for doubting, but I think I like to reflect on the time of wandering from Egypt.  I Pray Pray Pray that God would choose to reveal Himself to me today and everyday.  I pray that I am willing to give up the physical comforts for HIS presence!  What could compare?

Call Me Crazy

I caught myself saying, more than once, "There is only enough room for about 8 kids.  Maybe 10, but by then we might need something bigger."  I never would have imagined these words coming from my mouth.  Don't get me wrong, it isn't too far fetched that I would like a large family since I like kids an awful lot.  But!  8? 10? 12?  If you ask me how many kids I think I will  have, the answer would be an even dozen.  Why not more?  Maybe more.  Considering my potential life expectancy and current earning ability, 12 seems like it is on the edge of do-able.  But, in my heart, when someone asks the question, "Are you going to have more kids?"  My answer is, "Are there more to be had?" 

It would be an incredible blessing to be able to say, "I am done having kids because there are no more kids that need homes."  What a miracle that would be.  I pray that the first thing Jesus shows me in heaven is that there are no more orphans. 

David was worried tonight about the new house getting crowded as we seek to bring in more kids.  Then, I showed PART of the photo listing of waiting children...now he wants to grow up to be a spokes person for the orphan and he is OK sharing his home.  He hopes it helps him share his message!!!

Most people say, "12 kids, are you crazy?"

I hope I am.  Crazy in God's will is always where I want to be.  Noah had to seem crazy to build that big ol' ark.  I am looking for a big ol' house to bring in God's creation.  Am I crazy like NOAH???  Please say yes! 

The disciples had to seem crazy when they dropped their fishing nets and walked after Jesus.  Am I crazy like them???  Please say Yes!

King David.  (One of my favorites because of this moment!) was despised by his wife because he was acting like a crazy man.  I love 2 Samuel 6: 12-16 Now King David was told, "The LORD has blessed the household of Obed-Edom and everything he has, because of the ark of God." So David went down and brought up the ark of God from the house of Obed-Edom to the City of David with rejoicing.  When those who were carrying the ark of the LORD had taken six steps, he sacrificed a bull and a fattened calf.  David, wearing a linen ephod, danced before the LORD with all his might, while he and the entire house of Israel brought up the ark of the LORD with shouts and the sound of trumpets.  As the ark of the LORD was entering the City of David, Michal daughter of Saul watched from a window. And when she saw King David leaping and dancing before the LORD, she despised him in her heart.

My pride asks me to stop looking foolish.  Don't do anything crazy.  But, then I ask God.  "What shall I do?"  He says:  But when Jesus turned and looked at his disciples, he rebuked Peter. "Get behind me, Satan!" he said. "You do not have in mind the things of God, but the things of men."  Then he called the crowd to him along with his disciples and said: "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. Mark 8:33-34

Tonight I pray:  God.  Let me be crazy for YOU!  Show me how I can follow you so that everyone who sees me will wonder what I am up to.  Please don't let my pride, my fear or anything get in the way of hearing Your voice and following Your will.  I confess to you that I put myself first.  Please help me help my kids to see Your heart too so that our whole family will be crazy for You.  Even if we are despised because of it.  AMEN!

Courage

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;

Courage to change the things I can

and wisdom to know the difference.

As the pastor began preaching on this prayer Sunday morning, my first thoughts were about how I didn't need to hear this message.  That statement in itself was a red flag.  Usually, if I think those thoughts about a sermon, I probably really need to hear it!  The trouble was, I thought this message was going to be about addiction.  Like, drugs, alcohol, etc.  I don't have an addiction.  (Unless you want to count food and caffeine.)

As I acknowledged that I needed to hear the sermon, I listened very carefully for God to reveal the message he has hidden in there just for me.  When I ask Him to show me, He is always faithful.  The message for me was undoubtedly courage.  (And wisdom.)

I had a dream the other night that was about living in the New House and having a bad-guy shoot a gun at my house.  I was left in fear.  Because I know the Lord is not the God of fear, I prayed that I would understand the dream.  I felt God saying to me that I might be afraid as we go through this process, but that He was there with me and that I don't need to be afraid.

Now, tie that dream into my passion...the orphan crisis...and I am able to begin to understand why God might have had me listen to that sermon.  I am so passionate about children without homes.  It kills me to think about.  It breaks my heart.  I want to run off and take care of everyone of them.  Obviously, I can't.  It isn't even a little bit possible.  I need the serenity to accept the things I cannot change.  I also need to trust my husband's strategy for helping as many as we can.  Effecting as many people as God has for us to effect.  This is where I need courage. 

We are moving forward with the move.  I was overwhelmed with fear.  I was sick to my stomach at the step we were taking.  Thankfully, the thoughts that were coming into my head were so ridiculous that I immediately got out my Bible and filled my head with thoughts that were in line with what God has for me. 

Here are some funny things that cropped up!  First:  I was reading Philippians and I came across this verse:  I eagerly expect and hope that I will in no way be ashamed, but will have sufficient courage so that now as always Christ will be exalted in my body, whether by life or by death. vs 1:20.  Then, I finished Philippians and was reading about the prophet Jeremiah and how he was hated and how he had to have COURAGE to continue his prophetic ministry. 

That word COURAGE.  I found it everywhere:  Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.  Joshua

I know now how that prayer applies to me. 

Lord.  Please grant me the serenity to understand that I don't have to take on the entire orphan crisis on my own and that by doing so, I might get in my own way of doing what You have for me to do.  Please give me the COURAGE to do the things I can to work toward helping those children You place in my care.  Please help me not to be afraid due to my own doubts and insecurities.  Please help me trust you to be the one to provide, that I don't have to take all that on nor do I have to expect Kevin to do it.  And Lord - PLEASE grant me the wisdom to know the difference.  To know when to get myself out of my own way so that I am not running in a direction that is the opposite of where you would have me go just because it feels good to be moving.  Please grant me the peace to be still and wait on Your direction.  Please grant me the wisdom in obvious ways - blocking my path if I go astray.  How humble am I that I can come before you and ask these things.  How amazing YOU are that you are willing to be active with me in my life that You make Yourself known and that I can count on You to lead and guide me.  Amen!!!