And as is true with God...He is ever faithful. Never changing. Always the one to make concessions. After writing the last post, I spent a bit of time sitting in a parking lot in front of Raleys talking with a very dear friend. And, of course, what scripture did she share? Oh yeah, the one about Peter. Getting out of the boat. Of course.
A few days later, she mentioned the scripture again saying, "I didn't even use that scripture in my talk..." The conversation continued, but I knew she had that scripture just for me.
I am so sure because right after that conversation. Right after I realized that I might be asked to do "a Mattie" again. Right after I knew that God was asking me to trust in Him NO. MATTER. WHAT.
We got the call. Can we pick up a little boy? By 5pm? (Yeah, it was just after 4 pm.) I had to make the decision that instant. "Yes." Yes we will open our hearts to another one who needs us. I don't pretend to know how this will turn out. I don't believe God has given me any promises regarding this child. I only believe that He has asked me to do this in Trust - in Him. The decision was easy. Why would God need to teach me that lesson if He didn't expect me to apply it.
All I know right now, is that my answer to my God is YES. I trust Him to do the rest. And I am excited to see where it leads! Look! I am out of boat and standing in the rain! NOT. GETTING. WET.
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
No way I am getting wet!
You know those time when hind-sight kinda kicks you in the tushie?
This was one of those. I had a great argument. I didn't win, but my argument was awesome! You'll see...After we lost Mattie, I told Kevin I really didn't want to go through that again. I said that we should call the social worker in the morning and reset our guidelines. He said that he thought that we agreed that God asked us to say yes to taking in Mattie, so was I now going to say no if God called us to it again. (At the time, I actually thought that sounded like a pretty darn good idea!) I explained that the social system was in such need of foster parents that, unless we spoke up, we would be put in that position again - that it would no longer be about what God had specifically called us to! I said, "If we don't say that we DON'T want to do this, we will do this by default. It would be like going out in the rain and saying, 'if God doesn't want me to get wet, I won't...OF COURSE I am going to get wet! I am out in the rain!'" SEE? That is a great argument. I mean really good. But. Kevin won. He pulled the trump card and asked, "Well, do you think God is asking us to do something different?" UG!!!! Nope. No, I did not. And, I had to honor my husband's wisdom. I reluctantly agreed, but it was only until I waited for God to "show me that we are supposed to do something different."
Today. I realized today the hole in my theory. My argument was full of flaws. How little is my faith?? Wow. I realize today that God has asked me to walk right out into the rain, showing me that I won't get wet. Not a single drop...not even a mist. I will stay as dry as a bone. I realized today that Peter was asked to get right out of that boat. He wasn't going to drown, sink, or even need swim trunks!
This was one of those. I had a great argument. I didn't win, but my argument was awesome! You'll see...After we lost Mattie, I told Kevin I really didn't want to go through that again. I said that we should call the social worker in the morning and reset our guidelines. He said that he thought that we agreed that God asked us to say yes to taking in Mattie, so was I now going to say no if God called us to it again. (At the time, I actually thought that sounded like a pretty darn good idea!) I explained that the social system was in such need of foster parents that, unless we spoke up, we would be put in that position again - that it would no longer be about what God had specifically called us to! I said, "If we don't say that we DON'T want to do this, we will do this by default. It would be like going out in the rain and saying, 'if God doesn't want me to get wet, I won't...OF COURSE I am going to get wet! I am out in the rain!'" SEE? That is a great argument. I mean really good. But. Kevin won. He pulled the trump card and asked, "Well, do you think God is asking us to do something different?" UG!!!! Nope. No, I did not. And, I had to honor my husband's wisdom. I reluctantly agreed, but it was only until I waited for God to "show me that we are supposed to do something different."
Today. I realized today the hole in my theory. My argument was full of flaws. How little is my faith?? Wow. I realize today that God has asked me to walk right out into the rain, showing me that I won't get wet. Not a single drop...not even a mist. I will stay as dry as a bone. I realized today that Peter was asked to get right out of that boat. He wasn't going to drown, sink, or even need swim trunks!
“Come,” he said.
Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!” Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him.“You of little faith,” he said, “why did you doubt?” Matthew 14:29-31
So what happened? Well, the story in our adoption is far from over. But the social worker did call and tell us that we were not supposed to have received the call for Mattie (but I know we were...God had a plan) and that we would not get any more calls unless they were screened by her. As a matter of fact, she still had some things to complete for our adoption and we wouldn't get anymore calls until they were done. Those things are almost done now. She still has a few loose ends to tie up, but we are now somewhat expecting calls. (obviously.) What would God have us do? Walk out...out of the boat or into the rain. We won't get wet until we doubt. I need to stop trusting in my own understanding and keep my eyes focused on Him. ME! Me of little faith! Why do I doubt. (Oh how the Lord speaks!)
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
He Lights My Path
On Katie's birthday, we got "the call." (again) This time it was for a 10 month old little girl and a 3 (almost 4) year old little guy. I was so excited! We had to wait almost a week to meet them! UG! Finally, we met them and had the disclosure meeting. We even set up a plan for the transition into our home. Then we had Thanksgiving...The transition was going nicely, the kids were excited. I even bought a couple of Christmas gifts and started getting the rooms ready. I was more excited because I had just rearranged the rooms so that they would be perfect for these two (and that was before I even knew about them!) We. Were. So. Excited!!! (BUT! I was still a bit guarded.)
When we got the call, I just didn't "feel it." I know, I know...you are probably thinking that I was guarding my heart because of Mattie. That is exactly what I told myself! The thing is: I really love kids. All kids. So, I really loved these kids too! They are so super cute, and very sweet. The darling little girl didn't cry and the little guy was so very shy. My heart melted! When we met them, my mind went over all the reasons that they would be a perfect fit for our family. They really would! But, we left the meeting and I had a pit in my stomach. Mattie. I was sure that was it. The social workers said that this was going to be a higher risk placement. That things were looking positive for an adoption, but that it wasn't a sure thing yet. The bio-mom was trying really hard, but she was probably just not capable of parenting them. My heart broke for her and for her little guy who misses her terribly.
We had our visits, but I just didn't "feel" it. Did I mention how awesome these kids are?? LOVE them. I just don't want you to think the kids weren't great! I connected to them after the first visit. I just couldn't wrap my mind around them as my kids. I had a million excuses.
Thankfully, on the drive home, I decided to pray. Kevin even asked me if I was sure that this is what I think God has for us. I was sure...that God has adoption for us...but was I sure this exact situation? I just knew God had asked me to say, " yes" and trust Him. So, I said, "yes."
I knew there was a court date today. I didn't believe anything would be decided or that anything would change. (No one really thought that there would be any change at all. It was just a standard hearing that bio-mom was protesting some recommendations by the social worker.) I prayed specifically that I would get an answer today. I prayed fervently the first day, then as the days went by, I prayed as it came to my mind (often) and I continued to pray even until today (although it came to my mind less and less.)
Kevin called. Social Worker said that the judge made a ruling today that is going to reunify the little guy. That means that the baby will also reunify at some point. Social Worker doesn't think this is a permanent decision and that the bio-mom probably won't be able to parent, but that it is going to be a very long process with lots of transitions. I wasn't surprised. I know that since I am writing this now, it seems easy to see the path - more like a well lit freeway, but I did see those dim lights that are now so bright in the rear-view mirror! There were hints with Mattie too. I just chose to ignore them. This time I listened. Not just as a pessimist, but as someone who was looking. Maybe, maybe it was because of Mattie that I chose to see what God had laid before me. Maybe that is one of the many blessings I have from the time she was with us.
God. Amazing. Comforting. Protecting. Answering. He knew. He showed me. I wasn't listening very carefully and yet I was still able to have a foreshadowing of what was to come. I don't believe God shows me the future, but I know He guards my heart and gives me some hints of what is to come when He feels that I could use it. He is so good. We got a call for a little guy right before we got the call for our first adoption. We just knew that the first little guy wasn't supposed to be ours. We would have LOVED him! (I DO love him, since my friend ended up adopting him!) It is funny how eager God is to participate with us. It never ceases to amaze me that He would be interested in each little detail. But He is! I asked for something. It would have been completely understandable if I didn't get an answer today. He didn't need to tell me anything. But He did. He did just as I asked because He loves me that much. He did, probably because He knew even better than me what I needed to know and when. God's love abounds. Knowing this, it is easier to go back to waiting. Knowing HIS perfect timing is just not yet.
When we got the call, I just didn't "feel it." I know, I know...you are probably thinking that I was guarding my heart because of Mattie. That is exactly what I told myself! The thing is: I really love kids. All kids. So, I really loved these kids too! They are so super cute, and very sweet. The darling little girl didn't cry and the little guy was so very shy. My heart melted! When we met them, my mind went over all the reasons that they would be a perfect fit for our family. They really would! But, we left the meeting and I had a pit in my stomach. Mattie. I was sure that was it. The social workers said that this was going to be a higher risk placement. That things were looking positive for an adoption, but that it wasn't a sure thing yet. The bio-mom was trying really hard, but she was probably just not capable of parenting them. My heart broke for her and for her little guy who misses her terribly.
We had our visits, but I just didn't "feel" it. Did I mention how awesome these kids are?? LOVE them. I just don't want you to think the kids weren't great! I connected to them after the first visit. I just couldn't wrap my mind around them as my kids. I had a million excuses.
Thankfully, on the drive home, I decided to pray. Kevin even asked me if I was sure that this is what I think God has for us. I was sure...that God has adoption for us...but was I sure this exact situation? I just knew God had asked me to say, " yes" and trust Him. So, I said, "yes."
I knew there was a court date today. I didn't believe anything would be decided or that anything would change. (No one really thought that there would be any change at all. It was just a standard hearing that bio-mom was protesting some recommendations by the social worker.) I prayed specifically that I would get an answer today. I prayed fervently the first day, then as the days went by, I prayed as it came to my mind (often) and I continued to pray even until today (although it came to my mind less and less.)
Kevin called. Social Worker said that the judge made a ruling today that is going to reunify the little guy. That means that the baby will also reunify at some point. Social Worker doesn't think this is a permanent decision and that the bio-mom probably won't be able to parent, but that it is going to be a very long process with lots of transitions. I wasn't surprised. I know that since I am writing this now, it seems easy to see the path - more like a well lit freeway, but I did see those dim lights that are now so bright in the rear-view mirror! There were hints with Mattie too. I just chose to ignore them. This time I listened. Not just as a pessimist, but as someone who was looking. Maybe, maybe it was because of Mattie that I chose to see what God had laid before me. Maybe that is one of the many blessings I have from the time she was with us.
God. Amazing. Comforting. Protecting. Answering. He knew. He showed me. I wasn't listening very carefully and yet I was still able to have a foreshadowing of what was to come. I don't believe God shows me the future, but I know He guards my heart and gives me some hints of what is to come when He feels that I could use it. He is so good. We got a call for a little guy right before we got the call for our first adoption. We just knew that the first little guy wasn't supposed to be ours. We would have LOVED him! (I DO love him, since my friend ended up adopting him!) It is funny how eager God is to participate with us. It never ceases to amaze me that He would be interested in each little detail. But He is! I asked for something. It would have been completely understandable if I didn't get an answer today. He didn't need to tell me anything. But He did. He did just as I asked because He loves me that much. He did, probably because He knew even better than me what I needed to know and when. God's love abounds. Knowing this, it is easier to go back to waiting. Knowing HIS perfect timing is just not yet.
Sunday, November 20, 2011
Fasting
It has been a while since I took the time to fast. I like to let fasting be "God led," but I also know that I can easily ignore God's prompting if I get too busy. So, last week I had just the tiniest inclination to fast for the day. There was no real reason, but there were several small things. After I had decided to spend that particular day fasting, a friend had asked for prayer. I felt that it was a confirmation.
As I fasted and prayed throughout the day, my hungry tummy reminded me of the One who is the Provider of all! As I was laying my burdens before Him and resting in His goodness. I started to think and ponder the idea of prayer and fasting. One thing I am sure of: God is NOT a vending machine. We do NOT input our requests, do a series of good deeds, and then have our desires met. I know that the bible often talks of our faith being large enough to get what we want, and that we don't have because we do not ask. (Matthew 17:20 and James 4:2-3) I am just not up for a theological discussion about this tonight, but I feel pretty safe to say that we are sure to get things we ask for when we ask for them with a faith that is aligned to God's will. (Probably not for our own selfish desires - although, I have seen those prayers answered too...)
Why fasting, then??? I was talking to God that day about money. I had to spend some money on clothes for my little guy and I knew it was going to be expensive. I knew what he needed and I went into the store with a pretty good idea of what that would all cost (if I was very careful). When I was done, I spent 1/2 of what I thought. Because I was fasting and praying about it (I know it might seem like a silly thing to pray about, but I believe there is nothing to small for God to care about) I realized that God did that! God took care of my little problems, so that I can continue to trust Him for the big ones. If I hadn't been fasting and praying, I would have missed the blessing of seeing His work in my life.
Other prayers were answered that day and it seems He called me to fast the next day as well. Once I set my mind and heart to listening to His leading, it seems I hear it much more clearly. I don't believe that when I fast, God listens more, but I do believe that when I fast, I listen more! One day, I am sure God will show me so much more about this system He put in place. Hopefully, I will be listening!
As I fasted and prayed throughout the day, my hungry tummy reminded me of the One who is the Provider of all! As I was laying my burdens before Him and resting in His goodness. I started to think and ponder the idea of prayer and fasting. One thing I am sure of: God is NOT a vending machine. We do NOT input our requests, do a series of good deeds, and then have our desires met. I know that the bible often talks of our faith being large enough to get what we want, and that we don't have because we do not ask. (Matthew 17:20 and James 4:2-3) I am just not up for a theological discussion about this tonight, but I feel pretty safe to say that we are sure to get things we ask for when we ask for them with a faith that is aligned to God's will. (Probably not for our own selfish desires - although, I have seen those prayers answered too...)
Why fasting, then??? I was talking to God that day about money. I had to spend some money on clothes for my little guy and I knew it was going to be expensive. I knew what he needed and I went into the store with a pretty good idea of what that would all cost (if I was very careful). When I was done, I spent 1/2 of what I thought. Because I was fasting and praying about it (I know it might seem like a silly thing to pray about, but I believe there is nothing to small for God to care about) I realized that God did that! God took care of my little problems, so that I can continue to trust Him for the big ones. If I hadn't been fasting and praying, I would have missed the blessing of seeing His work in my life.
Other prayers were answered that day and it seems He called me to fast the next day as well. Once I set my mind and heart to listening to His leading, it seems I hear it much more clearly. I don't believe that when I fast, God listens more, but I do believe that when I fast, I listen more! One day, I am sure God will show me so much more about this system He put in place. Hopefully, I will be listening!
Sunday, November 6, 2011
His Name, Not in Vain
One more hour of sleep. That's really all I wanted. I knew I should get up because she would be disoriented in our home. At 97 years old, everything new came with shock and confusion for her. Everything seemed scary. None of the current possibilities included the safe harbor of her home.
One fall was all it took. The knee went out and the medicine stopped the blood from clotting. The hematoma grew and the worry set in. The doctor's medicated. The healing takes time. Then another fall. Middle of the night. The medicine could be the problem. One more night and one more fall and it was decided. She comes here. To our home. "But you have your family" she argued. "You are my family," we replied. She convinced us of one more try. Cousin stayed with her and all was well. Then it happened again. The final fall. No one was going to hear her arguments now. She was coming with us. She gave no arguments. She was ready.
As we wait to take in another orphan (or orphan siblings), we are confronted with a widow. We laugh. When God said to take care of the widows and orphans, we didn't know He meant "AT THE SAME TIME!" As we chose to say, "yes" to grandma living in our home, we said, "yes" to God. We took His name when He unselfishly gave it to us on the cross. With His name, we knew that meant everything. We took His name and said, "yes" to Him. We may not have understood at the time what that would mean in our lives, but we are living His name. We are completely blessed to be drawn closer to Him through those he calls "the least of these." We do not deserve this honor and so many would miss the blessing, but for us, we did NOT take His name in vain.
One fall was all it took. The knee went out and the medicine stopped the blood from clotting. The hematoma grew and the worry set in. The doctor's medicated. The healing takes time. Then another fall. Middle of the night. The medicine could be the problem. One more night and one more fall and it was decided. She comes here. To our home. "But you have your family" she argued. "You are my family," we replied. She convinced us of one more try. Cousin stayed with her and all was well. Then it happened again. The final fall. No one was going to hear her arguments now. She was coming with us. She gave no arguments. She was ready.
As we wait to take in another orphan (or orphan siblings), we are confronted with a widow. We laugh. When God said to take care of the widows and orphans, we didn't know He meant "AT THE SAME TIME!" As we chose to say, "yes" to grandma living in our home, we said, "yes" to God. We took His name when He unselfishly gave it to us on the cross. With His name, we knew that meant everything. We took His name and said, "yes" to Him. We may not have understood at the time what that would mean in our lives, but we are living His name. We are completely blessed to be drawn closer to Him through those he calls "the least of these." We do not deserve this honor and so many would miss the blessing, but for us, we did NOT take His name in vain.
Sunday, October 16, 2011
Picked for the Team!
"Who is the best basketball player, ever?" I asked my son.
"Micheal Jordan." He answered without much thought.
"If he called you today and asked you to be on his team would you do it?"
"YES!" He said like I was crazy to ask.
"What if you had to move, live in a cardboard box, would you do pretty much anything in your power to be on that team?" I asked
A succession of Yeses followed each question without hesitation. Undoubtedly, he would do anything in his power to be on that team.
"Would you feel like you were helping Micheal Jordan by being on that team?"
"No." Again, looking at me like I was insane.
"Well, that is what I feel like when God asks me to be on His team - I am not helping, and it is a privilege, and I am willing to do anything to be on it. See, working for God is not serving Him, it is Him serving me with the privilege of letting me participate."
I am not sure he completely got it, but I hope so.
Sometimes, I am ready to pull my hair out in frustration. I whisper up a quiet prayer asking God to please accept this sacrifice I am making. Please accept my offering of love and exhaustion. But really, is this an offering that I am giving Him? When God offers us the gift of work, do we do it as if it is a blessing to US??? Is my offering an offering of thanks and praise for allowing me to have the opportunity at the hard things that sometimes come with the work He has given me?
This thought was something God was challenging me with the other night. I think of my "work for the Lord" sometimes as a gift to Him, and it is in a sense, because it pleases Him to have my focus on him and my whole heart given over to Him...Big problem here though...I am not doing it to SERVE Him. This is a weird sort of splitting of hairs, maybe, but I feel like it is a bigger issue and one I am wrestling with right now.
There are reasons for working:
To accomplish something we want done (self-serving)
To earn a reward (also self-serving)
To help someone (other-serving)
To be allowed to participate in something greater than our self (God serving us!)
The last one is tricky...I always saw my "work for the Lord" as a gift to Him...but I think underlying that thought was that I was "helping" Him. What a foolish notion!!! God - the same who created all the earth, set the mountains exactly the way HE wanted them. Made the bacteria that I cannot see with my eyes. Knows the number of hair on my head and the stars in the sky. Understands all unexplainable phenomena. DOESN'T NEED MY HELP! What is sad is that I didn't even realize that I had been thinking like this until I tried thinking about it in the way I believe God wants me to think about it.
Did God need Jonah to talk to the people of Nineveh? Doubt it! Did Jonah need God to send him to Nineveh to make some major corrections? YUP!
Did God need Noah to build the ark? NOPE. Did Noah need to build the Ark to learn some mighty big lessons? I think yes.
Did God need Moses to lead the people? Ha! NO WAY! Did Moses need to learn to lead the people and did the people need to learn from Moses? OH YEAH!
Did God need John the Baptist to baptize all those people? No. Were John the Baptist and the people rewarded and brought closer to God through doing that work? Of course!
I need to reread my Bible with this in mind to see how each person's work really granted them the closeness with the Lord and how they received abundant GRACE!
I believe God gifts us with work. We just participate in what He is already doing. First and always, our work Glorifies Him but then it helps grow us into the people who reflect Him. I realize that the work I am doing is not for me to give to God, but a gift from God to me! I get to see His glory through helping His people. It is so amazing when I think about it this way. It is no longer self-serving, but God serving me. Wow! No matter how hard I try to "earn Grace," I am adding to my debt because only more Grace is given. When I serve the Lord, my most wonderful reward is the opportunity to be with Him in a real and alive way. I get that through reading my Bible, through the messages from church, and from the stories of other believers, but the most enjoyable way is through working along with the Lord who uses my clumsy hands, my unskilled body, my unlearned ideas, and my inexperience and creates beauty. He does make beautiful things out of the dust!
And what if I refuse the call to work? Luke 19:40 shows me just how unneeded I am: “I tell you,” he replied, “if they keep quiet, the stones will cry out.”
"Micheal Jordan." He answered without much thought.
"If he called you today and asked you to be on his team would you do it?"
"YES!" He said like I was crazy to ask.
"What if you had to move, live in a cardboard box, would you do pretty much anything in your power to be on that team?" I asked
A succession of Yeses followed each question without hesitation. Undoubtedly, he would do anything in his power to be on that team.
"Would you feel like you were helping Micheal Jordan by being on that team?"
"No." Again, looking at me like I was insane.
"Well, that is what I feel like when God asks me to be on His team - I am not helping, and it is a privilege, and I am willing to do anything to be on it. See, working for God is not serving Him, it is Him serving me with the privilege of letting me participate."
I am not sure he completely got it, but I hope so.
Sometimes, I am ready to pull my hair out in frustration. I whisper up a quiet prayer asking God to please accept this sacrifice I am making. Please accept my offering of love and exhaustion. But really, is this an offering that I am giving Him? When God offers us the gift of work, do we do it as if it is a blessing to US??? Is my offering an offering of thanks and praise for allowing me to have the opportunity at the hard things that sometimes come with the work He has given me?
This thought was something God was challenging me with the other night. I think of my "work for the Lord" sometimes as a gift to Him, and it is in a sense, because it pleases Him to have my focus on him and my whole heart given over to Him...Big problem here though...I am not doing it to SERVE Him. This is a weird sort of splitting of hairs, maybe, but I feel like it is a bigger issue and one I am wrestling with right now.
There are reasons for working:
To accomplish something we want done (self-serving)
To earn a reward (also self-serving)
To help someone (other-serving)
To be allowed to participate in something greater than our self (God serving us!)
The last one is tricky...I always saw my "work for the Lord" as a gift to Him...but I think underlying that thought was that I was "helping" Him. What a foolish notion!!! God - the same who created all the earth, set the mountains exactly the way HE wanted them. Made the bacteria that I cannot see with my eyes. Knows the number of hair on my head and the stars in the sky. Understands all unexplainable phenomena. DOESN'T NEED MY HELP! What is sad is that I didn't even realize that I had been thinking like this until I tried thinking about it in the way I believe God wants me to think about it.
Did God need Jonah to talk to the people of Nineveh? Doubt it! Did Jonah need God to send him to Nineveh to make some major corrections? YUP!
Did God need Noah to build the ark? NOPE. Did Noah need to build the Ark to learn some mighty big lessons? I think yes.
Did God need Moses to lead the people? Ha! NO WAY! Did Moses need to learn to lead the people and did the people need to learn from Moses? OH YEAH!
Did God need John the Baptist to baptize all those people? No. Were John the Baptist and the people rewarded and brought closer to God through doing that work? Of course!
I need to reread my Bible with this in mind to see how each person's work really granted them the closeness with the Lord and how they received abundant GRACE!
I believe God gifts us with work. We just participate in what He is already doing. First and always, our work Glorifies Him but then it helps grow us into the people who reflect Him. I realize that the work I am doing is not for me to give to God, but a gift from God to me! I get to see His glory through helping His people. It is so amazing when I think about it this way. It is no longer self-serving, but God serving me. Wow! No matter how hard I try to "earn Grace," I am adding to my debt because only more Grace is given. When I serve the Lord, my most wonderful reward is the opportunity to be with Him in a real and alive way. I get that through reading my Bible, through the messages from church, and from the stories of other believers, but the most enjoyable way is through working along with the Lord who uses my clumsy hands, my unskilled body, my unlearned ideas, and my inexperience and creates beauty. He does make beautiful things out of the dust!
And what if I refuse the call to work? Luke 19:40 shows me just how unneeded I am: “I tell you,” he replied, “if they keep quiet, the stones will cry out.”
Sunday, October 9, 2011
Taking up my Cross
Today as I sat in church, I felt the Lord making clear a passage that I had, before, not completely understood and then (as is His way in my life) He confirmed in the message the pastor was sharing.
Then he said to them all: “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me. Luke 9:23
This is a fairly common verse and the times I have read / heard it were many. Most times I don't know that I gave it much thought, but I know the times I did think about it, I was simply wrong.
I wondered...how to follow a god who asks us to DENY myself and take up a CROSS DAILY?!? That seemed next to impossible. The few times I have tried (really tried) to deny myself, I failed. I always related this to an attempt at a diet. Like: Deny myself a doughnut or pizza. Certainly, I was NOT capable of self-denial. Then: How in the world was I going to take up a cross daily!?! Really? I know how hard it is to do "hard" and my guess is that taking up a cross is beyond any "hard" I have ever done and to do that daily??? I can't even do sit-ups everyday!
Then. I had trouble reconciling it to: Matthew 11:28 - 30 Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”
Today, though Gods yoke was easy. I did learn from Him. I realized that in order to take up my cross, I can't possibly carry anything of my own. If I have my own burdens, then the cross will sit there. It isn't until I lay those things down at the cross that I will be able to then lift it up. (Deny myself! AH!!! Nothing to do with doughnuts!) Also, to lift a cross and move it would take complete focus on the task at hand. It would be big, heavy, cumbersome. I think I would have to focus on each step, going slowly, looking only directly at the path I am traveling. I would not be able to look around and get distracted without getting injured. (I get it: focus on HIM daily). Then, maybe the verses in Matthew compliment this. Now, I think as I would walk down God's path with my cross, I would realize it is lighter and lighter. When I looked up I would see Christ is carrying my cross for me. I would have rest for my soul and my burden would be light. I would be denying the things that get in the way, but I have to do this "daily" or constantly because if I get busy with being busy, I will miss out. First my burden will get heavy, I could get hurt, and then I might drop the cross all together to focus back on myself. I follow You Lord!
Then he said to them all: “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me. Luke 9:23
This is a fairly common verse and the times I have read / heard it were many. Most times I don't know that I gave it much thought, but I know the times I did think about it, I was simply wrong.
I wondered...how to follow a god who asks us to DENY myself and take up a CROSS DAILY?!? That seemed next to impossible. The few times I have tried (really tried) to deny myself, I failed. I always related this to an attempt at a diet. Like: Deny myself a doughnut or pizza. Certainly, I was NOT capable of self-denial. Then: How in the world was I going to take up a cross daily!?! Really? I know how hard it is to do "hard" and my guess is that taking up a cross is beyond any "hard" I have ever done and to do that daily??? I can't even do sit-ups everyday!
Then. I had trouble reconciling it to: Matthew 11:28 - 30 Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”
Today, though Gods yoke was easy. I did learn from Him. I realized that in order to take up my cross, I can't possibly carry anything of my own. If I have my own burdens, then the cross will sit there. It isn't until I lay those things down at the cross that I will be able to then lift it up. (Deny myself! AH!!! Nothing to do with doughnuts!) Also, to lift a cross and move it would take complete focus on the task at hand. It would be big, heavy, cumbersome. I think I would have to focus on each step, going slowly, looking only directly at the path I am traveling. I would not be able to look around and get distracted without getting injured. (I get it: focus on HIM daily). Then, maybe the verses in Matthew compliment this. Now, I think as I would walk down God's path with my cross, I would realize it is lighter and lighter. When I looked up I would see Christ is carrying my cross for me. I would have rest for my soul and my burden would be light. I would be denying the things that get in the way, but I have to do this "daily" or constantly because if I get busy with being busy, I will miss out. First my burden will get heavy, I could get hurt, and then I might drop the cross all together to focus back on myself. I follow You Lord!
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