"Who is the best basketball player, ever?" I asked my son.
"Micheal Jordan." He answered without much thought.
"If he called you today and asked you to be on his team would you do it?"
"YES!" He said like I was crazy to ask.
"What if you had to move, live in a cardboard box, would you do pretty much anything in your power to be on that team?" I asked
A succession of Yeses followed each question without hesitation. Undoubtedly, he would do anything in his power to be on that team.
"Would you feel like you were helping Micheal Jordan by being on that team?"
"No." Again, looking at me like I was insane.
"Well, that is what I feel like when God asks me to be on His team - I am not helping, and it is a privilege, and I am willing to do anything to be on it. See, working for God is not serving Him, it is Him serving me with the privilege of letting me participate."
I am not sure he completely got it, but I hope so.
Sometimes, I am ready to pull my hair out in frustration. I whisper up a quiet prayer asking God to please accept this sacrifice I am making. Please accept my offering of love and exhaustion. But really, is this an offering that I am giving Him? When God offers us the gift of work, do we do it as if it is a blessing to US??? Is my offering an offering of thanks and praise for allowing me to have the opportunity at the hard things that sometimes come with the work He has given me?
This thought was something God was challenging me with the other night. I think of my "work for the Lord" sometimes as a gift to Him, and it is in a sense, because it pleases Him to have my focus on him and my whole heart given over to Him...Big problem here though...I am not doing it to SERVE Him. This is a weird sort of splitting of hairs, maybe, but I feel like it is a bigger issue and one I am wrestling with right now.
There are reasons for working:
To accomplish something we want done (self-serving)
To earn a reward (also self-serving)
To help someone (other-serving)
To be allowed to participate in something greater than our self (God serving us!)
The last one is tricky...I always saw my "work for the Lord" as a gift to Him...but I think underlying that thought was that I was "helping" Him. What a foolish notion!!! God - the same who created all the earth, set the mountains exactly the way HE wanted them. Made the bacteria that I cannot see with my eyes. Knows the number of hair on my head and the stars in the sky. Understands all unexplainable phenomena. DOESN'T NEED MY HELP! What is sad is that I didn't even realize that I had been thinking like this until I tried thinking about it in the way I believe God wants me to think about it.
Did God need Jonah to talk to the people of Nineveh? Doubt it! Did Jonah need God to send him to Nineveh to make some major corrections? YUP!
Did God need Noah to build the ark? NOPE. Did Noah need to build the Ark to learn some mighty big lessons? I think yes.
Did God need Moses to lead the people? Ha! NO WAY! Did Moses need to learn to lead the people and did the people need to learn from Moses? OH YEAH!
Did God need John the Baptist to baptize all those people? No. Were John the Baptist and the people rewarded and brought closer to God through doing that work? Of course!
I need to reread my Bible with this in mind to see how each person's work really granted them the closeness with the Lord and how they received abundant GRACE!
I believe God gifts us with work. We just participate in what He is already doing. First and always, our work Glorifies Him but then it helps grow us into the people who reflect Him. I realize that the work I am doing is not for me to give to God, but a gift from God to me! I get to see His glory through helping His people. It is so amazing when I think about it this way. It is no longer self-serving, but God serving me. Wow! No matter how hard I try to "earn Grace," I am adding to my debt because only more Grace is given. When I serve the Lord, my most wonderful reward is the opportunity to be with Him in a real and alive way. I get that through reading my Bible, through the messages from church, and from the stories of other believers, but the most enjoyable way is through working along with the Lord who uses my clumsy hands, my unskilled body, my unlearned ideas, and my inexperience and creates beauty. He does make beautiful things out of the dust!
And what if I refuse the call to work? Luke 19:40 shows me just how unneeded I am: “I tell you,” he replied, “if they keep quiet, the stones will cry out.”
Sunday, October 16, 2011
Sunday, October 9, 2011
Taking up my Cross
Today as I sat in church, I felt the Lord making clear a passage that I had, before, not completely understood and then (as is His way in my life) He confirmed in the message the pastor was sharing.
Then he said to them all: “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me. Luke 9:23
This is a fairly common verse and the times I have read / heard it were many. Most times I don't know that I gave it much thought, but I know the times I did think about it, I was simply wrong.
I wondered...how to follow a god who asks us to DENY myself and take up a CROSS DAILY?!? That seemed next to impossible. The few times I have tried (really tried) to deny myself, I failed. I always related this to an attempt at a diet. Like: Deny myself a doughnut or pizza. Certainly, I was NOT capable of self-denial. Then: How in the world was I going to take up a cross daily!?! Really? I know how hard it is to do "hard" and my guess is that taking up a cross is beyond any "hard" I have ever done and to do that daily??? I can't even do sit-ups everyday!
Then. I had trouble reconciling it to: Matthew 11:28 - 30 Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”
Today, though Gods yoke was easy. I did learn from Him. I realized that in order to take up my cross, I can't possibly carry anything of my own. If I have my own burdens, then the cross will sit there. It isn't until I lay those things down at the cross that I will be able to then lift it up. (Deny myself! AH!!! Nothing to do with doughnuts!) Also, to lift a cross and move it would take complete focus on the task at hand. It would be big, heavy, cumbersome. I think I would have to focus on each step, going slowly, looking only directly at the path I am traveling. I would not be able to look around and get distracted without getting injured. (I get it: focus on HIM daily). Then, maybe the verses in Matthew compliment this. Now, I think as I would walk down God's path with my cross, I would realize it is lighter and lighter. When I looked up I would see Christ is carrying my cross for me. I would have rest for my soul and my burden would be light. I would be denying the things that get in the way, but I have to do this "daily" or constantly because if I get busy with being busy, I will miss out. First my burden will get heavy, I could get hurt, and then I might drop the cross all together to focus back on myself. I follow You Lord!
Then he said to them all: “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me. Luke 9:23
This is a fairly common verse and the times I have read / heard it were many. Most times I don't know that I gave it much thought, but I know the times I did think about it, I was simply wrong.
I wondered...how to follow a god who asks us to DENY myself and take up a CROSS DAILY?!? That seemed next to impossible. The few times I have tried (really tried) to deny myself, I failed. I always related this to an attempt at a diet. Like: Deny myself a doughnut or pizza. Certainly, I was NOT capable of self-denial. Then: How in the world was I going to take up a cross daily!?! Really? I know how hard it is to do "hard" and my guess is that taking up a cross is beyond any "hard" I have ever done and to do that daily??? I can't even do sit-ups everyday!
Then. I had trouble reconciling it to: Matthew 11:28 - 30 Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”
Today, though Gods yoke was easy. I did learn from Him. I realized that in order to take up my cross, I can't possibly carry anything of my own. If I have my own burdens, then the cross will sit there. It isn't until I lay those things down at the cross that I will be able to then lift it up. (Deny myself! AH!!! Nothing to do with doughnuts!) Also, to lift a cross and move it would take complete focus on the task at hand. It would be big, heavy, cumbersome. I think I would have to focus on each step, going slowly, looking only directly at the path I am traveling. I would not be able to look around and get distracted without getting injured. (I get it: focus on HIM daily). Then, maybe the verses in Matthew compliment this. Now, I think as I would walk down God's path with my cross, I would realize it is lighter and lighter. When I looked up I would see Christ is carrying my cross for me. I would have rest for my soul and my burden would be light. I would be denying the things that get in the way, but I have to do this "daily" or constantly because if I get busy with being busy, I will miss out. First my burden will get heavy, I could get hurt, and then I might drop the cross all together to focus back on myself. I follow You Lord!
Thursday, October 6, 2011
Letting Go to Receive Grace
Praying again for knowledge, for direction, for how much of my input I give to this situation. I ask Kevin and he replies that we wait and trust the Lord.
"But what if we have to go through that again?" I ask!
"Then we go through that again. Are you saying that you would say 'no' if you think God is asking you to do something?" Kevin had a ready reply.
UG! Of course I am not going to say no. That is the problem. My sneaky self tries to find a way to control the situation so that I am not asked. I am afraid of being asked to do that hard thing.
God spoke. Again.and.Again.and.Again.
"Your ways are not My ways." "Lean not on your own understanding." "The beginning of wisdom is the fear of the Lord." Straight from HIS mouth in HIS Word.
I confessed my desire to control this situation and letting fear take the place of God's provision. God reminded me that HE was in control I heard it in the music, I heard it in a sermon, I heard it on a CD about God's GRACE! (I didn't expect to hear it there!!!) God has made it clear. He is the author of this story. I am privileged to be allowed a glimpse of His goodness.
I finally relinquished my battle and submitted my will to His, even with the knowledge that I may find what I need to do to be very hard. God, being the great, awesome, powerful, kind, thoughtful, and knowing God that He is gave me a gift. As I fretted about the next phone call that would bring the next placement whether I was ready or not, God brought the phone call. The call that said we would not be placed until after the rest of our adoption paperwork was done (a new rule in this process) and that the placement wouldn't come unless it went through our adoption worker (who intimately knows what our hopes are!) If the call about Mattie came today, we wouldn't have been placed with her. (I am so totally sure God needed us to care for her!) I feel like as soon as I let go, God showed me how He was controlling this situation all along. What an awesome and loving God we serve. He didn't have to show me any of this. He could have let me believe that any minute we could get a call and be back on that same roller coaster but through His grace and mercy, he shared a bit of information that gave me such peace. In the words of our social worker, "That was a great thing you guys were willing to do, but I think it's time to get you some keepers!" God never promised things wouldn't be hard. But the hard things aren't nearly as hard when you relinquish your will to His and allow Him to work all things for His glory. (I will talk about "hard" later - because reading "it is hard" and living "it is hard" are really two very different things),
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:5,6
"But what if we have to go through that again?" I ask!
"Then we go through that again. Are you saying that you would say 'no' if you think God is asking you to do something?" Kevin had a ready reply.
UG! Of course I am not going to say no. That is the problem. My sneaky self tries to find a way to control the situation so that I am not asked. I am afraid of being asked to do that hard thing.
God spoke. Again.and.Again.and.Again.
"Your ways are not My ways." "Lean not on your own understanding." "The beginning of wisdom is the fear of the Lord." Straight from HIS mouth in HIS Word.
I confessed my desire to control this situation and letting fear take the place of God's provision. God reminded me that HE was in control I heard it in the music, I heard it in a sermon, I heard it on a CD about God's GRACE! (I didn't expect to hear it there!!!) God has made it clear. He is the author of this story. I am privileged to be allowed a glimpse of His goodness.
I finally relinquished my battle and submitted my will to His, even with the knowledge that I may find what I need to do to be very hard. God, being the great, awesome, powerful, kind, thoughtful, and knowing God that He is gave me a gift. As I fretted about the next phone call that would bring the next placement whether I was ready or not, God brought the phone call. The call that said we would not be placed until after the rest of our adoption paperwork was done (a new rule in this process) and that the placement wouldn't come unless it went through our adoption worker (who intimately knows what our hopes are!) If the call about Mattie came today, we wouldn't have been placed with her. (I am so totally sure God needed us to care for her!) I feel like as soon as I let go, God showed me how He was controlling this situation all along. What an awesome and loving God we serve. He didn't have to show me any of this. He could have let me believe that any minute we could get a call and be back on that same roller coaster but through His grace and mercy, he shared a bit of information that gave me such peace. In the words of our social worker, "That was a great thing you guys were willing to do, but I think it's time to get you some keepers!" God never promised things wouldn't be hard. But the hard things aren't nearly as hard when you relinquish your will to His and allow Him to work all things for His glory. (I will talk about "hard" later - because reading "it is hard" and living "it is hard" are really two very different things),
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:5,6
Sunday, October 2, 2011
The Earth is Shaking!
He replied, "Because you have so little faith. I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you." Matthew 17:20
Does anyone else feel the trembling? I do. God is busy in the business of moving some mountains and I can't wait to see the new landscape. So many interesting things have happened that lead me to beleive that His great and mighty power is at work in and around my life. I will rejoice!
Does anyone else feel the trembling? I do. God is busy in the business of moving some mountains and I can't wait to see the new landscape. So many interesting things have happened that lead me to beleive that His great and mighty power is at work in and around my life. I will rejoice!
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Big Picture
Fighting, war, combat, conflict, battle, strategy. These are the things in our life. Sometimes the battle is upfront and visible, sometimes we are battling the unseen powers of darkness. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Ephesians 6:12
Is it any wonder that my kids are acting up? Is it any wonder that I am getting distracted. The enemy of our souls isn't dumb. He didn't just come into this world. His practices have been around for generations! It isn't any wonder that he finds our weakness. As we battle for the orphans, for our family and for others in the process, it is no wonder that we are coming under attack. We MUST be doing something RIGHT!
Two battles are in progress. The battles will be won, but we have to keep an eternal focus. First: The battle for the hearts of my kids. They are struggling and hurting with the loss of the baby. They don't want to continue on this painful journey and experience that pain again, but they can't help the pull they feel toward bringing in another orphan who has nothing and no one. They have a desire to bring another brother or sister to Christ. So, although it is painful and although it is scary, they persevere in the adoption process along with us. Their behavior is hard sometimes for all of us, but it is their way of working through it. I need to remember that. The second battle is the one that is the toughest for me: Control. With the loss of little Mattie, my heart aches. Oh how I loved having a baby again! I love her, and I am glad she is not an orphan, but I miss having a little baby. The chances of us being placed with a baby are so slim. I realize that we might not get the privilege of having another one. BUT! I have resolved a health issue that may have kept me from being able to carry a baby to term. I know I am able to have a baby and I am pretty confident that I could have another biological child. If I have any problems, I am very confident that medical intervention would solve that problem. I am sure this is a very powerful distraction from my enemy. He would love to use the resources I have to chase after a biological baby instead of bringing in a child who needs care now. He would love for me to ignore the kids that are dying. This post is NOT for everyone. This is only what God has in MY life. I am confident that we were done having biological children. I am confident that was from God. Babies were not even something I was seeking until Mattie came along. I have to keep my eyes focused on the eternal mission God has given me. The mission of bringing in orphans and giving them a family. I am praying, just in case God has another plan for me, but for now, I believe we are on the right track.
The battle will be won. The eternal focus will help me battle the struggles in my heart, but God's power will do the rest. I lay it all before Him, relying on Him to win it for me. I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is like the working of his mighty strength, which he exerted in Christ when he raised him from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms, far above all rule and authority, power and dominion, and every title that can be given, not only in the present age but also in the one to come. Ephesians 1:18-21
Is it any wonder that my kids are acting up? Is it any wonder that I am getting distracted. The enemy of our souls isn't dumb. He didn't just come into this world. His practices have been around for generations! It isn't any wonder that he finds our weakness. As we battle for the orphans, for our family and for others in the process, it is no wonder that we are coming under attack. We MUST be doing something RIGHT!
Two battles are in progress. The battles will be won, but we have to keep an eternal focus. First: The battle for the hearts of my kids. They are struggling and hurting with the loss of the baby. They don't want to continue on this painful journey and experience that pain again, but they can't help the pull they feel toward bringing in another orphan who has nothing and no one. They have a desire to bring another brother or sister to Christ. So, although it is painful and although it is scary, they persevere in the adoption process along with us. Their behavior is hard sometimes for all of us, but it is their way of working through it. I need to remember that. The second battle is the one that is the toughest for me: Control. With the loss of little Mattie, my heart aches. Oh how I loved having a baby again! I love her, and I am glad she is not an orphan, but I miss having a little baby. The chances of us being placed with a baby are so slim. I realize that we might not get the privilege of having another one. BUT! I have resolved a health issue that may have kept me from being able to carry a baby to term. I know I am able to have a baby and I am pretty confident that I could have another biological child. If I have any problems, I am very confident that medical intervention would solve that problem. I am sure this is a very powerful distraction from my enemy. He would love to use the resources I have to chase after a biological baby instead of bringing in a child who needs care now. He would love for me to ignore the kids that are dying. This post is NOT for everyone. This is only what God has in MY life. I am confident that we were done having biological children. I am confident that was from God. Babies were not even something I was seeking until Mattie came along. I have to keep my eyes focused on the eternal mission God has given me. The mission of bringing in orphans and giving them a family. I am praying, just in case God has another plan for me, but for now, I believe we are on the right track.
The battle will be won. The eternal focus will help me battle the struggles in my heart, but God's power will do the rest. I lay it all before Him, relying on Him to win it for me. I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is like the working of his mighty strength, which he exerted in Christ when he raised him from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms, far above all rule and authority, power and dominion, and every title that can be given, not only in the present age but also in the one to come. Ephesians 1:18-21
Monday, September 19, 2011
Our Goodbye Letter to Mattie
Our Sweet Little Girl,
We were so blessed to have you in our lives, even if it was for such a short time. We believe that you have an amazing story and I am thankful we were part of it!
I want you to know how I have seen God work already in your wonderful little life. You were a surprise! I don’t know how your mom came to make the decisions she made, but I am thankful she decided to grow you in her belly and find people to care for you once you were born! I am also thankful that your daddy was able to find you and that he had a passion for you from the start!
While you were growing in your mommy’s belly, we were planning on having more children come into our family. We wanted to take care of someone that didn’t have a mommy or daddy to take care of them. We had to do a lot of work and talk to a lot of Social Workers. During this, we prayed every day that God would place just the right person or people in our family. We had been feeling like we were supposed to talk to the social workers about some ideas God had been placing in our hearts. At first, we only wanted to have a child who was already ready to be adopted. That might have meant that a child would probably have to live in more than one place before joining our family. One the same day, we both felt like we were supposed to offer our home to someone who is still trying to find their biological family. The very next day, the social worker asked us if we would be willing to do JUST THAT! Of course, we said yes. Then, we were worried about taking care of children who might have special needs; Which meant that we had to know that child’s full background before we agreed to bring him or her into our home. We had prayed again, still feeling God’s gentle pulling that something wasn’t right and we came together during a discussion agreeing that we do NOT need to know about the background of a child. If there was a child who needed a home, we had a home for that child. About a week later we got a call about you!
If we had gotten the call any sooner, we might have said no and missed the wonderful blessing that you are! We were told that we might get to adopt you, but that you might have a daddy who was looking for you! We prayed every day that we could adopt you, but that if you had a daddy who was looking for you, that he would be able to find you and care for you forever! We are so thankful that you have a daddy who fought for you and who will take care of you forever! We didn’t know a thing about you, so if we got the call earlier, we might have been worried. How would we know you were so very PERFECT!!! Just a wonderful and beautiful baby girl. Because we didn’t know if anyone had taken care of you, we were extra careful to make sure you were well cared for. We made sure you were monitored at all times. One night, the alarm on your monitor went off that meant you hadn’t been breathing. I jumped up and picked you up right away. You were fine, but I was so thankful for that monitor. I will never know why God chose us to care for you while your daddy was fighting for you, maybe it was just for that one night with the monitor to keep you alive or maybe it was to give you lots of love and care to help you grow until you could go home forever.
For whatever reason He chose, we are thankful that God placed you in our lives. I pray that you and your daddy will enjoy each other. I know your family is going to love you. Forever, I hope you know how much we love you and pray for you. I know that you are very important to God for all of these things to have happened. I hope you know how special you are!
We were so blessed to have you in our lives, even if it was for such a short time. We believe that you have an amazing story and I am thankful we were part of it!
I want you to know how I have seen God work already in your wonderful little life. You were a surprise! I don’t know how your mom came to make the decisions she made, but I am thankful she decided to grow you in her belly and find people to care for you once you were born! I am also thankful that your daddy was able to find you and that he had a passion for you from the start!
While you were growing in your mommy’s belly, we were planning on having more children come into our family. We wanted to take care of someone that didn’t have a mommy or daddy to take care of them. We had to do a lot of work and talk to a lot of Social Workers. During this, we prayed every day that God would place just the right person or people in our family. We had been feeling like we were supposed to talk to the social workers about some ideas God had been placing in our hearts. At first, we only wanted to have a child who was already ready to be adopted. That might have meant that a child would probably have to live in more than one place before joining our family. One the same day, we both felt like we were supposed to offer our home to someone who is still trying to find their biological family. The very next day, the social worker asked us if we would be willing to do JUST THAT! Of course, we said yes. Then, we were worried about taking care of children who might have special needs; Which meant that we had to know that child’s full background before we agreed to bring him or her into our home. We had prayed again, still feeling God’s gentle pulling that something wasn’t right and we came together during a discussion agreeing that we do NOT need to know about the background of a child. If there was a child who needed a home, we had a home for that child. About a week later we got a call about you!
If we had gotten the call any sooner, we might have said no and missed the wonderful blessing that you are! We were told that we might get to adopt you, but that you might have a daddy who was looking for you! We prayed every day that we could adopt you, but that if you had a daddy who was looking for you, that he would be able to find you and care for you forever! We are so thankful that you have a daddy who fought for you and who will take care of you forever! We didn’t know a thing about you, so if we got the call earlier, we might have been worried. How would we know you were so very PERFECT!!! Just a wonderful and beautiful baby girl. Because we didn’t know if anyone had taken care of you, we were extra careful to make sure you were well cared for. We made sure you were monitored at all times. One night, the alarm on your monitor went off that meant you hadn’t been breathing. I jumped up and picked you up right away. You were fine, but I was so thankful for that monitor. I will never know why God chose us to care for you while your daddy was fighting for you, maybe it was just for that one night with the monitor to keep you alive or maybe it was to give you lots of love and care to help you grow until you could go home forever.
For whatever reason He chose, we are thankful that God placed you in our lives. I pray that you and your daddy will enjoy each other. I know your family is going to love you. Forever, I hope you know how much we love you and pray for you. I know that you are very important to God for all of these things to have happened. I hope you know how special you are!
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Mattie
What an awesome God we serve! And, what a difference a day makes. I realize that when I am focused on myself, my desires, my pain, all I see are those things. If I am focused on the Lord, He gives me the gift of seeing beyond those things into His perfect will. Those things are not taken from me, but they are made perfect in His plan. How wonderful and special I must be for Him to work in my life like this.
I got to spend time with my little girl's daddy today. He is such a nice person who loves his daughter beyond belief. I was considering that God gifts us with the children in our lives, but never promises to give us the number of days we will spend with them. We believe that we, as parents, should be the ones to go first, leaving our children to inherit the world. But! God has never made that promise. God has given me the time with my tiny one as a gift to me for the time I have had her and even though it was short, it was a special time. He has also given me the gift of presenting her to a loving father who wants her more than anything and loves her beyond measure. It is so much easier to surrender her to a loving father than one who would not care for her as much as I do. And that is where God showed His face to me again. Isn't it wonderful that we are gifting our children back to the One Father who loves them beyond measure? Beyond any love I could ever give? Why God has blessed me so much in showing this to me is beyond what I can understand, but I am so thankful.
She looked at me tonight with big round beautiful eyes. Fully expecting a response from me. Never doubting that I will meet every need. She coos and smiles, completely helpless and trusting. No possible way of surviving without my care and no way to love without my love, but always sure that I will be there. I want to look at God just like that. Never doubting. Never having the thought enter my mind that He won't be the provider. My first love.
Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these." Matthew 19:14 (It is fitting that her name is Maddie - but I had changed the spelling to Mattie so that her name reflected Matthew!)
I got to spend time with my little girl's daddy today. He is such a nice person who loves his daughter beyond belief. I was considering that God gifts us with the children in our lives, but never promises to give us the number of days we will spend with them. We believe that we, as parents, should be the ones to go first, leaving our children to inherit the world. But! God has never made that promise. God has given me the time with my tiny one as a gift to me for the time I have had her and even though it was short, it was a special time. He has also given me the gift of presenting her to a loving father who wants her more than anything and loves her beyond measure. It is so much easier to surrender her to a loving father than one who would not care for her as much as I do. And that is where God showed His face to me again. Isn't it wonderful that we are gifting our children back to the One Father who loves them beyond measure? Beyond any love I could ever give? Why God has blessed me so much in showing this to me is beyond what I can understand, but I am so thankful.
She looked at me tonight with big round beautiful eyes. Fully expecting a response from me. Never doubting that I will meet every need. She coos and smiles, completely helpless and trusting. No possible way of surviving without my care and no way to love without my love, but always sure that I will be there. I want to look at God just like that. Never doubting. Never having the thought enter my mind that He won't be the provider. My first love.
Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these." Matthew 19:14 (It is fitting that her name is Maddie - but I had changed the spelling to Mattie so that her name reflected Matthew!)
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